


Battling Secrets

by BabyBoomBoom0029



Series: On Your Side: The Chronicles of Danny and Linda Reagan [28]
Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Danny sleeps on the couch, Drama, F/M, Family, High Risk Pregnancy, Jack gets a promotion, Naked Danny, Poor Linda, Pregnant Lucy, Romance, Sad, Someone else is having a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-01-20 14:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 38,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12434682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyBoomBoom0029/pseuds/BabyBoomBoom0029
Summary: Lieutenant Danny Reagan had no idea that along with his oldest son's promotion, would come the biggest case to hit the NYPD since one of his own. Women were being murdered and raped all over the city leaving a horrific trail that led nowhere. While one son worked tirelessly to find the killer before the next victim died, his other son was expecting a baby. With each passing day getting closer and closer to the due date, every Reagan felt the walls close in. When one of Officer Sean Reagan's children has a tragic accident, it will not only land them in the hospital but it will take a toll on their mother and unborn sibling as well. Between being there for his children and grandchildren, as well as in the midst of his own marital spat how will Lieutenant Danny Reagan be able to spread himself without doing more harm than good? Will the NYPD get ahead of the murderer before another innocent victim falls into his clutches? Will Sean's family be able to recover from the trauma they will endure? What price will Jack pay for his promotion?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm SO PSYCHED to write this!!! It's going to be so good! I really hope you ladies enjoy it!!!!! :)

"Daddy! We're going to be late!" Grace hollered through her parent's bedroom door. Today was either going to be a nightmare or the best day of her life. Grace hadn't quite decided which end of the spectrum it was falling on. However, if her father didn't hurry and get her to school on time she was sure it would be a nightmare. Seeing as how her family was full of the best NYPD officers around, Grace's father had been asked to speak to the class about cyberbullying and online harassment.  Grace paced in the upstairs hall. She had her shoes on along with her backpack in her hands. Now she was just waiting for her father who was moving at a snail's pace that morning. What she didn't know was that behind the wooden door, and in the bathroom with the shower running to drown out their voices were her parents. Standing across from each other arguing for what seemed to be the millionth time over the last week. 

Something had kicked up a rift between Danny and Linda lately. Linda was working more hours meaning she was home later and later with each passing day. Danny, who had been making more of an effort to be home early to spend time with Sam, the girls, Spense and Linda was growing frustrated with Linda's late hours. When he'd asked her to cut down, she'd refused to state that her job needed her hands in the department to help people.

"I don't see what the big deal is Danny." Linda huffed as she brushed her hair, "You work late all the time!"

"And we agreed I'd try to make it home early and I have been doing my part on that Linda." Danny sighed.

"I know that Danny. But with you home, I can work late if I need to. It's not as if I'm just not coming home. I'm working." Linda frowned.

"You got so mad at me for not being home and spending time with the kids. So I'm making an effort and I've been home more. Where's your effort?!" Danny crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"We're not talking about me." Linda shook her head.

"Yes, we are. You're the one who hasn't been home for dinner in a week!" Danny pointed out. He half wondered if Linda even realized how often she'd been working. All she'd been doing lately was sleep, work, come home, eat and head to bed. The kids had started questioning why she wasn't home. Even Spense looked around for Mommy before going to sleep in his Daddy's arms.

"We're short staffed. Amanda quit last week, and I have two other nurses who transferred. I still need to find another shift supervisor. What do you want me to do? Tell people we can't take them in our emergency department because I don't have a full staff. And on top of it, that new nurse we hired two weeks ago failed to show up to work over the weekend." Linda explained her point.

"That's not what I'm saying." Danny sighed heavily.

"Daddy! We really really have to go!" Grace's loud voice interrupted them once again.

Danny opened his mouth to speak but Linda cut him off, "Go. Before she has a heart attack. We can talk about this later." Linda turned away from Danny.

"I've got time Linda." Danny put a hand on her shoulder. He knew they'd been arguing more lately. He didn't want to leave in the midst of an argument.

"No. She's right. It's time to get her to school. You two should really get going." Linda looked over her shoulder, "It's fine. We're fine Danny." She kissed Danny's cheek before turning back to the countertop.

"Linda." Danny slid his arms around her shoulders from behind. He rested his chin on her shoulder.

"We'll talk later." Linda flashed Danny a small smile trying to hide her annoyance. She wasn't sure what was going on between her and Danny but whatever was sitting between them was growing each day.

"Daddy!" Grace yelled again.

Danny hugged Linda tight, "I love you." He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek.

"I love you." Linda leaned back into Danny's embrace. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"We'll figure this out." Danny said referring to their marital problems they'd been facing recently.

Linda nodded her head, "We always do." 

Danny kissed his wife one more time before leaving the room to take Grace to school. The back of his mind stuck on his wife and their almost thirty-year marriage. 

Linda watched Danny leave the room. Her heart twinged as she felt the pain of letting him go in the middle of arguing with each other. Part of her was mad at herself and felt guilty for being the cause of their problems, though she wasn't sure if there was something else contributing to their irritability with one another. The other part of her was grateful to have Danny by her side, and still be fighting after this long.  Almost thirty-years of ups and down, Linda knew they'd find their way up again. They just had to get through the down first.

* * *

Out in lower Manhatten, a man stood watching his surroundings. He knew the names and faces of everyone nearby. He watched over them, studying them, learning the most he could about them. Waiting to chose someone to be his next unsuspecting victim. His eyes fell upon her. She was slender with long blonde hair. Her piercing blue eyes pulled his attention. He watched her sway side to side as she walked. The skirt she wore hugging her hips perfectly. He spotted the ring on her finger as she talked with the other men around the table. She was a flirt. A tramp. She was doing exactly what his ex-wife was doing. She was a cheater who needed to be taught a lesson. The man set his sights on the woman. Tonight she would pay for being an adulteress. Tonight she would die.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The following Sunday had the Reagan family gathered around the dinner table. The adults were enjoying coffee, drinks, and dessert while the kids ran around the house. Grace, being the oldest stayed off to the side with Faith to play together while helping their parents watch the younger kids. Sam played parallel to Charlie who tried to play with Sam but often found it more difficult than just playing next to him. Even at ten Sam was off in his own world more often than not. Ava, Emma, and Maddie stuck together like the three musketeers when under the same roof. While Will, Gus, and Spense built towers out of blocks only to knock them down with their dinosaur toys. Jo sat in the playpen off to the side in the dining room entertaining herself and babbling loudly at the adults when she wanted to join the conversation. Elijah quietly napped in the swing while Joshua nursed for what Kathleen was sure had to be the hundredth time that day. He'd been nursing more and more frequently over the last few days. So much so that she'd pulled Linda aside to ask her about it. Linda assured her that it was relatively normal but it could mean that Joshua wasn't feeling the best. Linda looked at her tiny grandson, doing a quick check-up until she was able to confirm her assumption. He was congested and running a low fever. Linda made sure to have Kathleen and Jack keep a close eye on him and reminded them that she was only a few blocks away if he got sicker in the middle of the night.

"Jack. You had news to share with the rest of us." Frank reminded his oldest grandchild.

"Yes because we all want to know." Linda smiled at her son.

Jack grinned, "Okay. Well, Dad and Grandpa and Uncle Jamie already know. I think Sean does too." Jack smiled, "But...well....I made Detective." Jack said, "I'll be working in the Special Victims Unit. Still, in the Eighteenth and I start tomorrow."

"Congratulations!" Margaret said to him.

"Wow, Jack! That's awesome!" Lucy smiled.

"Congratulations Jack. I'm so proud of you." Linda got up from her seat to hug her son.

"Does this mean you'll work with Kathleen on some cases?" Margaret asked knowing Kathleen was a social worker.

"I don't think it's going to be more than usual. Though I never really thought about it." Jack shrugged his shoulders.

"I'd love to see you around more. Maybe not under those circumstances but I do love to see you at work." Kathleen leaned over to kiss her husband sweetly.

"Same here." Margaret grinned,"Despite what the situation warrants, it's always nice to see Jamie at the hospital. Unless you're hurt. That not a good thing." Margaret said as Jamie put his arm around her shoulder.

"I love when Lucy stops by with the kids to say hi or grab dinner together in the precinct." Sean rubbed Lucy's growing baby bump, "Especially when I've been at work while they are all home."

"Me too. I like seeing your Dad around the hospital." Linda said to the boys.

"That's because it's the only place I see you lately." Danny muttered under his breath.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Linda turned her head towards him.

"It means what it means." Danny said to her.

"Trouble on that end of the table?" Frank cleared his throat loudly.

"We're fine." Danny said more forcefully than he meant.

The adults looked from one another letting the awkward moment of silence pass. Margaret was the first to speak, "Linda, I hear there are some shortages of nurses in your ED lately. We sent a few over to help out for a few weeks." 

"Yeah. Three left at the same time. One quit and two transferred to other hospitals outside of the city. It was supposed to be spread out but it didn't work that way. So I'm short three and I was already short a supervisor position. But I'm hoping to have it settled soon." Linda smiled.

"I've heard how crazy your hours have been lately. How are you still doing it?" Margaret asked not knowing it was a sore subject for Danny and Linda.

"A lot of coffee." Linda smiled.

"Because the caffeine is really good for your heart." Danny commented.

"Danny, I think I can handle it." Linda glared at him.

"Yeah." Danny picked up his beer, "I'm going to go check on the kids." He said knowing that if he continued to sit at the table he and Linda would most likely argue again. Something Danny wasn't looking forward to nor did he want to do in front of the family.

Linda watched as Danny walked out of the dining room not knowing how to fix things between her and Danny. They'd argued over everything lately. And neither one seemed to be able to stop the cycle.

"Everything okay?" Jamie asked Linda.

Linda nodded her head, "Almost thirty years. I think we're allowed to have a rough patch." She said softly, "We'll be fine though." She said to Sean and Jack who were staring intently at their mother sitting alone at the head of the table.

"You sure you're okay Mom?" Sean asked.

"Yeah. Dad's really ticked off." Jack said, "He never leaves the table like that unless he's really mad." 

"I'm sure." Linda smiled.

"But Mom..." Jack started to speak only to have his Grandfather clear his throat.

"Boys. Your parents have been together since they were bright-eyed teenagers. Your mother says they are fine. Listen to her." Frank said.

"Thank you, Frank." Linda sipped her glass of wine. The family carried on a conversation while Linda sat back and watched. Her mind stuck on her husband, and their marriage. Even with their last meeting with Dr. Bennett, Danny and Linda were still fighting. Linda let her mind wander as everyone around her talked to each other. She couldn't remember feeling more apart from Danny than she did right now. They were in the same house yet it felt as if they were a million miles apart. And every moment that passed pushed them furthar and further away from each other. Linda wondered how they'd ever be able to find their way back together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watched last weeks episode and OMG! The dinner scene! Danny is NOT okay. Not at all. So looking forward to more Danny angst in the show!


	3. Chapter 3

That night found Linda Reagan in bed alone. Danny had helped clean up from dinner and get the little kids to sleep but soon disappeared to the basement. Linda knew he was downstairs boxing. She also knew better than to bother him right now. They both needed some space and time to think about things. Linda fiddled with the blanket. It was still chilly enough for a heavy blanket on the bed but with all her tossing and turning Linda felt too warm under it. Danny's scent lingered on his pillow and the blanket smothering her in him. Linda turned her back to Danny's side of the bed throwing the blanket off of her. She tried everything she could think of but couldn't get comfortable. Linda sighed heavily. At this rate, she was never going to sleep tonight.

* * *

Jack Reagan was sound asleep when the sound of his cell phone blaring jolted him awake, "Reagan." Jack answered sounding so much like his father, "Yeah....Okay...Sure...I'll be right there." Jack ended the phone call. It was then that he realized he was alone in bed. Jack frowned. He turned up the monitor to the nursery wondering if Kathleen was checking on the twins. He smiled softly hearing his wife's hushed whispers through the monitor. Jack quickly dressed, slipping his wallet into his back pocket. He walked down the hall to Elijah and Joshua's nursery. Inside Kathleen was sitting in the rocking chair with Joshua attached to her still slowly nursing away. The look on Kathleen's face said everything Jack could have asked. She must have been woken up a while ago and hadn't been able to fall back asleep. Her face was a mixture of irritability and tiredness. Jack swore he could see tears in her eyes. He softly crept into the room hoping to keep Elijah awake. The last thing Kathleen needed right now was another kid wide awake and wanting to nurse.

"What happened?" Kathleen looked up at Jack who was dressed for work.

"I got called in. First call as a Detective." Jack knelt in front of her. He put his hand on her knee, "He's keeping you up?"

Kathleen sighed, "I'm just really tired."

"You could have woke me. I'd have given him a bottle." Jack ran a finger down the side of Joshua's face as he slowly sucked.

"You had to work in the morning. I didn't want to bother you. Plus, he's not feeling well. I think the breastmilk is better for him when he's sick. The doctor said because they are premies I should push nursing more than the formula." Kathleen reminded him.

"Not at the expense of your own health. And right now you look like you could fall over asleep." Jack said quietly.

"We'll be okay. If you're headed in I'll probably just sleep here with him. Then we can both sleep and I'll be functional in the morning." Kathleen smiled.

"Then I'll take baby duty tomorrow night so you can sleep." Jack grinned. He kissed the top of Joshua's head, "You finish eating then go to sleep. Mommy needs some rest too." Jack stood so he could reach Kathleen before kissing her sweetly, "I love you."

"We love you too." Kathleen grinned. She watched as Jack quietly let himself out of the twin's nursery, following his footsteps through the house and out the front door while she tried to get a now sleeping Joshua off her breast and into his crib. A task that would fail, ending with Kathleen asleep in the rocking chair for the night with Josh attached to her using her as a pacifier for the remainder of the night.

* * *

Jack Reagan pulled up to the scene. Nothing could have prepared him for his first call as a Special Victims Detective. He flashed his shield at the officer keeping the public out of the crime scene, "What do we know?" Jack walked over to the two Detectives talking near the body under the white sheet.

"Detective Reagan." A familiar face smiled at him.

"Sergeant Dogon." Jack stuck his hand out to greet his former Sergeant.

"Nice job on that promotion Kid." Sergeant Dogon shook Jack's hand, "This is your new partner, Detective Shayla Ingalls." He introduced the short, thin, blonde woman standing to his right, "Detective Ingalls, this is Detective Jack Reagan. Now you two kids play nice." 

Jack shook Detective Ingalls' hand, "Nice to meet you." Jack said politely.

"Likewise." She smiled at Jack, "Victim is twenty-eight year old Serena Chaves. She was last seen leaving a bar a few blocks down. The bartender said she was alone when she left. Preliminaries suggest she was raped and strangled. Now we have a case from a week ago, unsolved murder. Same M.O. Not sure if they are connected yet but it's something to keep an eye on." Detective Ingalls informed him, "There's also this that we found on the victim and on the one from last week." She carefully showed Jack a business card that was already placed in an evidence bag. It was stark white with gold lettering embossed on the front. 

Jack read the small text, "Hebrews 13-4" Jack flipped it over.

"I know you Reagans are all Catholic. You should know your Bible." Ingalls teased lightly.

Jack nodded his head in agreement, "Give me a minute." He thought hard about the verse, "She's married. It's,  _Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral_. Has anyone contacted her husband?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. Solid alibi. He was at work on camera the whole time and broke down sobbing when he was told she was murdered." Ingalls said, "So did the last woman's husband. And both men deny the fact that their wives could have been cheating on them."

"Great. So this gives us nothing." Jack sighed.

"Welcome to Special Victims." Ingalls patted Jacks shoulder as she walked by to catch up with one of the officers who was questioning the growing crowd. Jack looked down at the slain woman under the white sheet. He knew he had to find the person responsible for this. No one deserved to have their wife ripped away from them, to have their family torn apart. Jack unconsciously felt for his wedding band. He silently vowed to hunt down the animal responsible for killing two innocent women.

* * *

Linda Reagan had finally dozed off when she felt Danny slide into bed behind her. He pulled the blanket up over her as her body shivered in the cold night air. She felt his arm slip around her waist and his lips press against the back of her shoulder. Linda put her hand on top of Danny's frowning when she felt breaks in his skin. Immediately Linda knew what they were from. She curled their fingers together, "You okay?" She whispered.

"Tired." Danny replied.

"That wasn't exactly what I was asking." Linda rubbed his knuckles feeling for any injuries he neglected.

"I'm okay." Dann squeezed her hand.

"Really?" Linda asked, "Because it feels like you didn't box with your gloves on."

"I didn't." Danny pressed himself closer to Lind feeling her back against his front.

"Danny." Linda sighed. She worried about him. He could really hurt himself if he didn't take the proper precautions.

"I laid off when it bled." Danny told her, "I promise. It's fine. I just...." Danny tried to think of the right words, "I just needed to feel it." Linda sat up a little, turning the bedside lamp on, "What are you doing?" Danny asked her.

"Hold on." Linda slid out of the bed to walk to the bathroom where she retrieved the first aid kit, "Now sit still." She instructed as she cleaned Danny's knuckles.

"Linda. It's okay. They aren't that bad." Danny objected hissing when she hit a sore spot.

"We might be mad at each other but I won't let you stay hurt or in pain because of some silly argument." Linda finished cleaning up her husband's hands before putting the first aid kit back under the bathroom sink. She was under the covers and in Danny's embrace moments later, "Did it work? Do you feel better?" Linda asked him.

"A little." Danny held her close, "I love you.

"I love you more." Linda turned in Danny's arms putting her head on his chest.

"I love you the most." Danny dropped a kiss to the top of Linda's head. He held her tight, rubbing her back in small circles. Danny knew they had a lot more talking to do but for now, this was good. For now, this was the best they could get. For now, this would have to do. As long as they still loved each other Danny was sure they'd get through anything. He had no idea that across town Jack was working a case that would hit far too close to home than anyone would have imagined.


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning Linda was up long before Danny. She had showered, gotten herself ready for work, made the kids lunches, made sure everything they needed for school was set and packed Spense for daycare. She sat on the edge of the bed. Linda watched Danny sleep for a few moments. She put a hand on Danny's cheek, smiling softly as he turned towards her warm touch, "Hey." Linda said softly.

"Wha' time's it?" Danny mumbled. He yawned wide as he started to wake up.

"Early. I have a meeting at the hospital this morning about hiring more nurses." Linda leaned over kissing Danny's cheek, "Kids are packed for school and I'm taking Spense with me this morning."

Danny shifted to sit up a bit, "Babe." Danny looked at the time on his phone, "It's not even light out yet." 

"I know. Go back to sleep." Linda smiled.

"Does this mean you'll home early?" Danny asked her. He slid his arm around Linda's waist pulling her closer.

Linda sighed, "I don't know Danny. I'll call you later. I'll let you know. If it gets late you can swing by and pick up Spense?" Linda suggested.

Danny nodded his head, "Think you can try to make it before the kids go to bed?" He didn't understand what was so hard lately for Linda to get home to see her family during the week.

"Danny. I don't know." Linda replied irritably, "I'll call you. I just don't know how my day is going to be." Linda stood from the side of the bed.

"At least call the kids. Say goodnight to them." Danny said to her as she walked to their bedroom door.

"Danny. I always call the kids if I'm not home." Linda crossed her arms, "You know what. I'm not doing this right now. I'll call you later." Linda walked out of the room closing the door behind her.

Dann sighed as he watched his wife leave the room. The rift between them seemed to continue to grow and Danny had no idea how to stop it.

* * *

A week passed with Danny and Linda still at odds with each other. Another meeting with Dr. Bennett accomplished nothing other than the two of them arguing during their session. Danny was still watching his wife work more and more with each shift while he bottled his feelings not wanting to argue over the same thing with his wife. They'd stopped talking to each other while everything around them seemed to spin out of control. The week passed including another senseless murder following the same M.O. as the previous ones. Jack was busy at work which was an adjustment with Kathleen and the kids but they were making it work. Jack was trying to keep work from coming home but Kathleen had found him wide awake with the twins in the middle of the night looking over the case wondering if he was missing something.

Sean Reagan had picked up an extra tour that week to catch up a few bills. With Lucy not working it was getting harder to make ends meet. It was the middle of the week and still early in the day but Lucy was already exhausted. She rubbed her bump as she put her feet up on the couch relaxing. She was just about to doze off when she got a phone call that would shatter her world.

Lucy frowned when she saw the school show up on her caller ID, "Hello?" She answered, "Yes. This is she." Lucy sat up from where she was lying on the couch, "Okay....Yeah....Is he okay?...Okay....Uh-huh...I can be right there....Sure...Thank you." Lucy got up from the couch. She quickly called Sean's cell phone, "Damnit Sean!" Lucy said when it went to voicemail. She called him a second time, "Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone." She repeated over and over again while it rang, "Crap." She frowned when it went to voicemail again. She grabbed her purse and keys to the house rushing out as quickly as she could. Lucy's next phone call went to the next person she was almost sure they would pick up their phone.

"Reagan." Danny's voice filtered into Lucy's ear.

"Danny!" Lucy half-shouted. She silently thanked God that Danny answered the phone. She needed to get a hold of her husband but for now, her father-in-law would have to do.

"Lucy? Are you okay? What's wrong?!" Danny asked. He was already out of his seat and walking out of his office.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just..." Lucy paused while she pulled out of the driveway, "I can't get a hold of Sean." 

Danny frowned hearing the panic in Lucy's voice, "Take a breath. What's going on?"

"The school called. Charlie fell in gym and is headed to the emergency room." Lucy explained, "They think it's a broken arm or something. And I can't get Sean on the phone and he's at work. The gym coach is riding with Charlie to the hospital."

"Okay. I'm headed your way. I'll get Sean there. Just drive carefully." Danny told her.

"Thanks." Lucy said. She quickly raced down the city streets trying to get to the hospital. She couldn't imagine how scared and hurt Charlie must be. All she knew was that she needed to get to her little boy as quickly as possible.

"I'll see you at the hospital." Danny told her, "now get off the phone and drive safe." Danny ended the phone call.

Lucy sat at the red light just down the road from the hospital when tires squealed behind her. The last thought Lucy had was of her unborn child and how she couldn't lose it. Not again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watching this show on Hulu called Mistresses and guess who pops up talking about her cheating husband, and how she's staking him out looking for evidence of his cheating with his "lying slut mistress". Guess who it is, Jennifer Freakin' Esposito!!!!! And she's a boozy rich fashion designer and she's AMAZING in this role and I LOVE HER!!! OMG! Seriously loving this show, even more, even knowing it's going to end next season after I binge watch this season. :)


	5. Chapter 5

Sean ran into the emergency room straight for the information desk, "My name is Officer Sean Reagan. My son Charlie Reagan was brought here by his school. Where is he?" Sean stood at the information desk with his partner, Officer Cruz, beside him. When his father had called him over the radio Sean immediately called him back. He sped to the hospital with lights and sirens on praying for poor Charlie.

"Right this way Officer. He was just x-rayed so he should be walking down this hall here." The kind nurse led Sean down the hall to Radiology.

"Daddy!" Charlie shouted.

"Hey!" Sean ran to his son, "How are you feeling?! Are you okay!?"

"They gave him some medicine for the pain and they said they will look at the x-ray but it's probably broken." Coach Danbury explained to Sean.

"Thank you so much." Sean shook the school's gym teachers hand.

"If you gentlemen can follow me, we can get Charlie a little more comfortable." The nurse smiled.

Once in Charlie's room, Sean sat on the side of the bed while talking to Coach Danbury, "What happened? How did he break it?"

"We were running laps in the gymnasium. Charlie and another boy started running up and down the bleachers. When I told them to come down, Charlie tripped and took a tumble down. It was an accident. I just didn't get to him quickly enough to stop him from falling. Once I saw him start to trip I ran to grab him but I didn't get there fast enough." The coach said apologetically.

"It's okay. Charlie shouldn't have been up and down the bleachers, right Charlie?" Sean looked over at his son.

"Sorry, Daddy. Sorry Coach Danbury." Sean apologized.

"It's okay, kiddo." Coach Danbury stood from his chair. He ruffled Charlie's hair, "You feel better."

"Thank you again." Sean shook his hand again, "I really appreciate you staying with him."

"Of course." Coach smiled.

Sean walked to the door with the Coach making sure he had Charlie's backpack and didn't need to worry about sending in a note when he kept Charlie home for the rest of the week. Sean was just about to step back into Charlie's room when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. A trauma was being brought into the emergency room. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He craned his neck to the side to get a closer look, as the gurney fled past him. Lying on the gurney was a pregnant woman. Sean felt his heart stop when he realized it was his wife.

* * *

Danny had called Linda at work telling her about Charlie when he came upon the scene of a motor vehicle accident. It was right in front of the hospital with FDNY and NYPD already responding to the scene. Danny moved over a lane to pass the accident when he slammed on the brakes. That car was familiar. It was Lucy's. Danny was out of his car in seconds.

"Lucy?!" Danny yelled as he ran to the car. He looked into the driver's seat only to find they'd already taken her out of the car, "Where's the driver of this car?!" Danny turned to one of the firefighters walking past him.

"They just took her to the hospital. Bus left a minute ago." The firefighter reported.

"What's her name?" Danny asked.

"I didn't get that. Try asking one of your boys in blue. I was working on the other driver. I just know she was pregnant." The firefighter pointed to a few officers securing the scene.

"Thanks." Danny nodded his head. It had to be her. Danny jumped back into his car quickly racing the short distance to the hospital. He burst through the doors with his shield held high, "Do you have a Lucy Reagan here?" Danny barely waited for the nurse at the information desk to respond before he saw Sean. He watched as Lucy was rushed past him. Danny left the desk headed for his son, "Sean!" 

"Dad! What happened!? That's Lucy!" Sean stood unable to move, still in shock from seeing his wife.

"I think she was in a car accident. I just passed it. Where's Charlie?" Danny hugged his son tight.

"Watching cartoons." Sean pointed to the room behind him, "Oh my God!" 

"I'll sit with Charlie. Go be with Lucy and the baby." Danny physically pushed his son in the direction Lucy was taken.

"Are you sure?" Sean asked feeling guilty leaving his son but desperate to be with his wife and unborn baby.

"Yeah. Go. Now." Danny said, "I'll call the family."

"Oh my God. This can't be happening." Sean took off running to his wife.

Danny stepped into Charlie's room, "Hi Grandpa!" Charlie said excitedly having no idea that his mother was in the same hospital.

"Hey." Danny carefully hugged Charlie, "Heard you took a tumble down some steps."

"Yeah. I shouldn't have been running up and down the bleachers." Charlie frowned.

"It's okay. Did your Dad ever tell you about the time he and your Uncle Jack thought it was a good idea to try to fly like Superman off the roof of the shed?" Danny smiled.

Charlie shook his head, "No. Where did Dad go?" 

"He had something to check on. But you and I can talk all about how your Uncle Jack convinced your Dad he was Superman and could fly." Danny covered the fact that Lucy was in the hospital until he had more information about what was going on and her condition. He didn't want to worry Charlie for no reason.

* * *

Lucy protectively held her stomach as she openly sobbed, "I lost it. I know I did. Oh God." Lucy shook her head as she cried. Her heart was beating through her chest and she felt as if she was suffocating. Lucy was having a full-blown panic attack.

"Ma'am. You have to calm down. We'll check the baby. Just breathe." One of the nurses tried to say to her.

Lucy shook her head, "It's gone. It's gone." She cried harder than she ever thought possible.

"We need you to breathe." The nurse insisted.

"My husband will be devastated." Lucy covered her face with her hands.

"Lucy!" Sean barged into the room.

"Sir! You can't be in here!" One of the doctors tried to stop Sean.

"That's my wife! Lucy!" Sean pushed his way through.

"Oh, Sean!" Lucy cried, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Sean was at her side in an instant, carefully hugging her, "It's okay. It's okay. It's alright." He soothed not knowing what else to do.

"The baby..." Lucy clung to her husband desperate for some much-needed support.

"We'll get the baby checked out." Sean placed a hand on her belly praying their child was okay.

"What if..." Lucy couldn't finish her sentence without crying.

"It's alright." Sean kissed her cheek, "It's going to be okay Lucy."

"Lucy, we need you to take some deep breathes. Your heart is racing and you're not getting enough oxygen." The nurse told her.

Sean shifted to allow the nurses and doctors to reach Lucy better, "I'm here. I've got you. I'm not leaving your side." Sean squeezed her hand tight while he rubbed her belly with the other.

"Let's get the baby looked at." The nurse pulled Lucy's shirt up a bit, "How far along are you?"

"Twenty weeks tomorrow." Lucy shook while she cried.

"Okay." The nurse said calmly, "Let's take a look." She turned on the ultrasound machine.

Lucy and Sean held their breath watching the screen, "I can't." Lucy threw an arm over her eyes. She knew she lost the baby. She was so sure of it. When the baby's heartbeat filled the quiet room, Lucy knew she was hearing something that wasn't there. There was no way her baby was alive.

"I'm just going to grab the OB." The nurse said. She looked over her shoulder as one of the other nurses rushed out of the room, "I just want them to take a look."

Seconds later a woman walked into the room, "Let's see here." The obstetrician took over for the nurse. She looked around Lucy's belly for a few moments.

"Is the baby okay?" Sean asked the question that had been blaring in his mind.

"I just have to get a better look here." The doctor said softly, "Lucy. Have you been pregnant before?" 

Lucy nodded her head, "Identical twin girls. Two miscarriages already." Lucy cried.

"Okay." The doctor said.

"Please. Is the baby okay?" Sean begged for an answer.

"Right now. The baby seems to be alright." The doctor turned the monitor towards Sean and Lucy, "See. It's right here. Its heart rate is a little faster than I'd like but with the circumstances, it's to be expected. Lucy, I need you to take some slow breaths and try to calm down for the baby. Okay?"

"It's not dead?" Lucy sobbed.

"No. It's okay. Your baby is alive." The doctor said.

"Oh thank God!" Sean hugged Lucy tight, "Oh Lucy." He couldn't' stop the tears that fell from his eyes.

The doctor gave Lucy and Sean a few moments to be thankful their baby was still alive before delivering the second part of her news, "Now Lucy I want to admit you to the hospital." The obstetrician said.

"Why?" Lucy sniffled.

"You've suffered a placental abruption." The doctor said to her, "The car accident caused a tear that partially separated the placenta from the uterus. If you were close to your due date we'd immediately deliver the baby. But seeing as how you are only twenty weeks we need to get you to at least twenty-four weeks for the pregnancy to be viable." The doctor said.

"Sean." Lucy covered her mouth as she started to cry again.

"How do we fix this?" Sean took a deep breath.

"We don't. We keep her in the hospital under careful monitoring. We give corticosteroids to speed up the development of the baby, particularly it's lungs and at the first sign of worsening we weight the risk of delivering or the abruption continuing to worsen." The doctor told Sean.

"Oh my God." Lucy shook her head, "I can't lose this baby too." Lucy sobbed.

"We won't." Sean hugged his wife, "We won't lose the baby. Four more weeks." He whispered into her ear as he hugged her tight, "We'll make it four more weeks." Sean held his wife close as the news sunk in that he just might lose another child.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Days after the shocking news of Lucy and Sean's baby made its way around the Reagan family, Lucy was moved to New York-Presbyterian under the watchful eye of her mother-in-law. Linda who was still working extra hours was now putting in more time to sit with Lucy so she wasn't alone.

Wednesday evening Linda was working late. Danny had been by to pick up Spense and bring him home. Linda was walking back to her office when the new emergency room chief ran up to her.

"Linda." Dr. Osley smiled.

"Hey, Marc. What can I do for you?" She asked. Marc had been with the hospital only a few short weeks. Linda had somehow been tasked with showing him the ropes, adding more onto her plate than she already had.

"I was headed out to grab something to eat. You've been here all day. Wanted to know if you wanted to join me." Marc grinned.

"Thanks but my husband brought me something when he picked up the little one." Linda said. She was so lost in thoughts over a patent she was reviewing she missed the flirtation in his voice.

"C'mon. Save it for when you're stuck here. Besides, I have a patient file I'd like to talk to you about. And a few questions about schedules. Call it a working dinner." Marc smiled.

Linda shook her head, "What patent?" Linda asked.

"Hunter Stone. Came in a week ago, MVA with a head injury." Marc told her, "You can help me out with the chain of events and I'll buy you a sandwich from the shop down the street."

Linda looked at the time. She was hungry and leftover pizza didn't leave much to be sought after for dinner, "Alright. We'll talk over a sandwich." Linda nodded her head. She stepped into her office to grab her purse and head to dinner with a colleague.

* * *

 

On the way back to the hospital Linda felt a shift in the air. She pulled out her keys to her office as they walked closer to the entrance of the Emergency Department.

"Are you sure you don't mind coming in early tomorrow to finish up the monthly schedule?" Marc asked.

"It's not a problem at all. I've got paperwork I need to catch up on and some new training packets to read through." Linda smiled, "In fact, I should get back in the office. It's already late."

Marc nodded his head, "Okay. I'll see you in the morning then." He leaned in towards Linda planting his lips on hers.

Linda stood in shock for a moment before pushing Marc away, "What the Hell are you doing?!" 

Marc put his hands up, "I'm sorry. I just...I thought...I'm sorry." He shook his head.

"I am happily married." Linda took a step away from Marc.

"Right. But I thought you know since...we work together and get along...I didn't think it was a big thing. I mean you're always here. There has to be a reason right? And we've shared meals most days lately. I thought maybe you were into me or looking for an escape or something." Marc shrugged his shoulders.

"I love my husband. He means more to me than anyone in the world." Linda crossed her arms, "You and I work together. That's it. In fact, I think this is the last time you and I will be outside of the office together even if it's a work-meal. "

"Linda, I'm not going to  _do_ anything to you. I'm not  _that_ guy." Marc felt insulted by what Linda seemed to insinuate.

"Yeah, well I've met too many guys who said they weren't  _that_ guy until they became  _that_ guy. So I'll stick to my office and areas inside the hospital if we need to have a meeting." Linda put her hand on the door to pull it open, "And if you ever touch me again, there will be no place my husband won't find you." Linda yanked the door open as she walked back to her office. She was thankful Danny wasn't there to see what happened but had no idea how she'd tell him without him getting angry. She knew he'd snap that this was the reason she needed a protection detail or shouldn't work at all. Linda made it back to her office where she locked the door behind her. She needed a few moments alone to breathe. She sat behind her desk lost in her own thoughts. There had to be a way to tell Danny without hurting him or making him angry. She just needed to figure out what to say.

* * *

 As the week passed the whole Reagan family could feel the tension between Danny and Linda. The Sunday before Father's day things finally blew up between them. Everyone had long since gone home and the kids were in bed. Linda was folding laundry in the basement waiting for the last load to be done when Danny walked down the stairs.

"Kids are asleep. Don't forget we've got to stop by the school in the morning to fill the paperwork out for Sam's summer school program." Danny reminded his wife. He leaned against the wall as he sipped his beer. Something was between them and he was determined to fix it between them. He was done trying to dance around it or sweep it under the rug. Tonight they were going to talk.

"I know Danny." Linda sighed. Danny had been reminding her of every little thing lately. She knew she was working a lot but now that they had the staff they needed she was catching up on paperwork and work that had sat while she was looking for new staff. Didn't he see she was just busy with work lately?

"I just wanted to remind you." He said, "Got a few minutes?"

Linda rolled her eyes. She knew what he wanted to talk about. She didn't feel like arguing tonight. She knew that as time passed it was getting harder and harder to face the truth, "What's up?" Linda said without turning around.

"How's the new staff working out?" Danny asked not sure how to broach the subject and remain neutral.

"Fine." Linda replied, "Now I'm just catching up on other stuff that sat around while I looked for new staff."

"So does that mean you'll cut down on work soon?" Danny wondered.

"Danny, it's work. I'm not out and about. It's not like, I'm not doing anything. I'm working. It's my job. I know I've been busy lately but you've done the same thing when a case has gone on for a while." Linda folded Spense's shirt putting it into his basket.

"True but..." Danny started to speak.

"But what Danny? Now that you're home most of the time, on time, you expect me to do the same thing?" Linda ranted, "Well my job still demands more than just a regular schedule sometimes."

"Linda that's not what I'm saying." Danny frowned. He didn't expect Linda to be so angry so quickly.

"Then what  _are_ you saying?" Linda turned towards him with her arms crossed.

"I thought you had said when you hired the new ER doc, work would slow down for you? Doesn't he take some part of the paperwork?" Danny asked, "I miss you. The kids miss you." Danny said.

"Don't bring the kids into this, Danny." Linda closed her eyes for a moment, "My job is important."

"I know that, Linda. But we've talked about his. I'm making an effort. And you're not." Danny pointed out. Linda leaned back against the washer not saying a word, "Babe something is going on with you, with us and I'm just trying to find a way to help fix that."

"So now I need to be fixed?" Linda asked.

"Don't twist what I said." Danny set his beer on the small coffee table, "I just think we need to talk about this." Danny said trying to figure out how to come out and say what he needed to without accusing Linda of any wrongdoing.

"Danny, you're keeping something from me so you might as well come out and say what you have to say." Linda told him bluntly, "C'mon Danny. I know you have something you want to say to me."

"Linda, don't do this. I don't want to do it like this." Danny shook his head.

That's when she knew. That was the moment she figured out just what was bothering Danny so much. What he was keeping from her, "Say what you have to say, Danny." Linda said to him.

"You've been working a lot." Danny said slowly.

"And?" Linda pushed him.

"How's the new doc? He fitting in?" Danny asked.

"Danny, what's all this about?" Linda asked her husband.

"I just wanted to know how you're doing with a new doctor. I know you had said that he's more on hands than Kyle was so I just wanted to...check in with you." Danny still didn't tell Linda what was bothering him.

"He's fine. He's a nice guy, he knows a lot and he's pretty easy to work with." Linda said, "That all?" 

"Is that why you two were out to dinner a few nights ago? Because he's easy to work with?" Danny asked. He'd heard about Linda being out with Marc when he'd overheard two officers talking about it. Spreading gossip and rumors like high school girls at the lunch table. When he overheard Linda's name he bluntly asked the officers what they were talking about. The young officers were practically shaking as they told Danny how they spotted Linda coming back from a meal with a doctor, then they saw the doctor kiss Linda. Danny denied it could have ever happened but when he questioned one of the nurses at New York-Presbyterian as to Linda's whereabouts that night, she confirmed Linda was out with Dr. Osley for a few hours. After a little digging Danny found that Marc Osley was divorced twice both ex-wives citing Marc's knack for cheating as the end of their relationships.

"You following me now Danny?" Linda asked.

"Two guys from my precinct saw you and the new guy. I shut the rumor down pretty quick but they say you two went out, then..." Danny couldn't even say it. He didn't believe the rumors. But he needed to know why she hadn't said anything if the dinner was a platonic dinner between two people that worked together.

"Do you really think I would cheat on you?" Linda felt hurt, shame, guilt, fear, and anger all rolled into one.

"Of course not Linda but you can't deny it looks pretty bad. You're working all the time, not home. You go out to eat with a male colleague and then a rumor pops around that you two are...." Danny tried to repeat what he'd heard but didn't want to hurt Linda like that.

"That what, Danny?" Linda stood still waiting for him to say what she knew he was going to say.

"That you're cheating on me with him. The guys said they saw you two kiss. And Linda I swear I don't think it happened but you should know what's being spread around." Danny tried to explain.

Linda looked down at her feet for a moment. She had a plan. She knew how she was going to tell him about the kiss. This was so far from what she wanted. Linda took a deep breath, "Well they are partly right." Linda looked up at Danny whose eyes went wide in fear, "We went to dinner to talk about work. On the way back we talked about me going in early to finish up the monthly schedule with him. Then he kissed me. But that's where you're buddies ended the story." Danny was speechless. he could hardly believe his ears. Linda wouldn't do this to him. It couldn't be true, "They left out the part where I shoved him off me and told him if he ever touched me again my husband, who I love more than anyone in the world, would have no trouble finding him. They left out the part where I told Marc that there was no way I'd ever cheat on you. That I love you. So next time you want to accuse me of being unfaithful, make sure your cops have the full story." 

"Why didn't you tell me about this when it happened?" Danny asked slowly, still processing everything.

"Because I didn't know how to tell you." Linda sighed, "And I should have done it when it happened but I didn't want you to be mad at me or get upset or tell me I can't work or whatever knee-jerk reaction you'd have. I wanted time to figure out how to say something to you and not hurt you. Because the look of hurt you have on your face right now is the  _exact_ look I was trying to avoid." 

"Has he tried anything else with you?" Danny took a deep breath.

"No. He apologized and swore it won't happen again. And I'm not holding any meetings with him anywhere other than a conference room and making sure someone knows where I am and who I'm with." Linda said, "I handled it, Danny. I went to HR and filed a formal complaint just so it's on record. I took care of it."

"But you didn't tell me." Danny frowned.

"I didn't want to hurt you and it's not a big deal. Not really. There are more important things we have to worry about than some guy that kissed me." Linda said to him.

"If it wasn't a big deal why didn't you tell me? Why did you think it would hurt me so much if it wasn't a big deal? Is that why we haven't had sex in a while?" Danny asked her, "Because of this _not_ big deal kiss?" 

"Oh God, Danny." Linda rolled her eyes, "You really think that's the reason we haven't had sex?" Linda asked him.

"If that's not it, then what do you think the reason is?" Danny asked her.

Linda opened her mouth to speak but closed it. She needed another moment to think before speaking, "I don't know." Linda shook her head.

"You're lying." Danny took a step closer to his wife, "I know when you're lying. Tell me." Linda felt her heartbeat quicken as Danny walked closer. Her anxiety shot through the roof. She had kept not just the kiss a secret but something else. She'd tried to hide it but knew this was it. Danny was going to find out what she'd been keeping from him. Part of the reason she was working so much. Staying away from home. The reason she was so distant lately. Danny's anger dissipated as he watched his wife spiral into a panic attack, "Breathe Linda. Whatever it is. You can tell me. Just talk to me." Danny felt her tense up the second he put a hand on her shoulder, "Linda. You're scaring the Hell out of me."

"I'm sorry." Linda apologized. Her body was shaking in fear. What would he say when he found out? What would he think?

"Well, I know you didn't cheat on me. First, you'd never do that and second I trust you. I'm not happy that you didn't tell me about some guy kissing you and I plan on making my presence well known to this Doc but you'd never be unfaithful. I wasn't trying to accuse you of that. I was just trying to figure out what happened and why you kept it a secret." Danny explained his voice soft and sweet, "So you can't be afraid to tell me something like that. So this is something else. Baby, just tell me. Whatever it is. We'll get through it together. We always do." Danny wrapped his arms around Linda who instantly clung to her husband.

"I found a lump." Linda whispered as she buried her head into Danny's shoulder.

"What?" Danny felt as if the floor dropped from beneath him.

"A few weeks ago." Linda couldn't look at him. She couldn't bear to see the fear in his eyes, "I found a lump and it's...I don't know." 

"Oh my God, Linda." Danny tightened his arms around her, "Have you seen a doctor?"

Linda shook her head, "I can't." 

"What do you mean you can't? Honey." Danny held his wife close.

"I can't go. I tried. I really did. I tried so hard to go. But I can't. What if..." Linda didn't get a chance to finish her sentence.

"We don't know anything yet." Danny interrupted her, "We'll get you to a doctor. Then we can go from there."

"But..." Linda sniffled.

"But nothing." Danny pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, "We get you to a doctor and wait to see what they say."

"If it's cancer...." Linda fought to keep herself from crying.

"Then we'll figure it out. Linda. I love you. And whatever the battle, I will always fight with you." Danny promised, "I love you." 

"I love you too." Linda knew tears were falling when she felt Danny's hands cup her face, brushing the tears away.

"I'm sorry you've had to go through this alone so far." Danny apologized.

"You couldn't have known." Linda shook her head, "I've been really careful about not being naked lately."

Danny nodded his head, "I just thought you were tired from work or something else was wrong." Danny kissed his wife sweetly.

"Well, kind-of because I'm tired. But, I also have been making sure I'm at work more often." Linda confessed. While she was needed at work, she was putting in extra hours to ensure she wasn't home often enough for Danny to ask her why she wasn't changing in front of him. Why she didn't want sex. Why she didn't want to share a shower or have a moment of intimacy between the two, "I'm sorry Danny." Linda shook her head.

"It's okay." Danny kissed her again, "It's alright. I get it. You're scared and you didn't want to hurt me. I understand why you did it. But honey, we swore we wouldn't lie to each other. That we'd talk and tell each other what was going on. That we'd put each other first. What happened to that?" 

"I don't want to die." Linda shrugged her shoulders.

"You're not going to die." Danny hugged her tight.

"You don't know that." Linda sniffled.

"And you don't know what that lump is." Danny countered, "Linda, you have to tell me what's going on with you." 

"I know that." Linda nodded her head, "But this time, I just...didn't want you to be hurt too. And then the irrational part of my brain kicked on and it's been going and going since it started. And then I freaked out. What if it's cancer and I need radiation and it makes me sick and lose my hair and I lose a ton of weight and I look horrible? What if I need a mastectomy? What if this hurts you too much and you stop loving me?" Linda started to ramble in the middle of a panic attack she was trying desperately to pull herself out of. 

"Linda Reagan. I put that ring on your finger almost three decades ago. I've loved you since the moment we meet. If you think anything in this world could make me stop loving you, then you don't know me nearly as well as you think you do." Danny cupped her chin tilting her head up to look into her eyes, "You are my world. My everything. My heart and soul belong to you. Linda, I love you. And I swear, I will always be by your side. Through everything. Oh God, Linda. I love you so much." Danny kissed Linda sweetly. She tilted her head deepening the kiss. Danny backed the two of them up until Linda's back hit the wall.

Danny's hand slid down Linda's neck to her shoulder. He ghosted his fingertips down her side until he reached the hem of the old t-shirt of his she was wearing while doing housework that night. Linda sighed into Danny's kiss as his tongue swiped across her lips. He slipped his hand under the shirt feeling her warm skin beneath his fingers. His lips slowly left a trail of kisses from Linda's lips down her cheek to her jaw finding a resting place at her neck while his hand found its way up her shirt. He was pleasantly surprised when he realized Linda wasn't wearing a bra. He carefully circled her breast with his fingertips, dancing around unsure if she was in any pain. Danny broke away from her neck where he was fervently kissing to look into her eyes. The unsaid question hung in the air.

"Please." Linda half whispered, half begged. She needed to feel him want her. She needed to feel him love her. To feel as if she belonged to him. That she belonged somewhere. That he wasn't letting her go. Linda was caught off guard when Danny lifted the shirt over her head. His mouth descending on her breast as if it was starving. Linda felt her body heat rise as Danny's hand gently squeezed her other breast rolling her nipple between his fingers as he flicked the other with his tongue. Linda was quickly lost as Danny swapped sides not wanting to leave an inch of her body feeling unloved. Danny's lips pulled off her breast traveling down her body. He pressed his fingers into her skin knowing he was being rough but both of them wanting more. Danny dropped to his knees in front of his wife. He yanked her shorts and panties off in one swift moment. Linda moaned Danny's name as his teeth sunk into her thigh leaving a mark that would last for days. Linda felt her body tense up then release and Danny's lips hadn't moved from their spot on her leg. Danny smiled against Linda's skin smelling the sweet scent of his wife. He slowly and purposely licked his way up her thigh skipping over the one part Linda was desperate for him to touch. Danny left a similar mark on Linda's other thigh. He lifted one of her legs over his shoulder. Danny slowly licked a long stripe over his wife smiling when he felt her shake. It had been so long for the two of them, Linda was practically dripping with desire for her husband. Danny wasted no time. He slipped two fingers into his wife as his tongue lapped up every drop of her. He pumped his fingers in and out hooking them slightly. He latched onto the one pearl of nerves bringing Linda to the edge over and over. He let her breathing return to normal before bringing her back. Linda yelped when she crashed hard. Her body squeezing around Danny's fingers. Danny didn't stop. He continued licking and kissing her causing her to crash on top of herself. He kept going until Linda started to melt in his hands. Her knee started to buckle but Danny didn't let that stop him. He carefully stood up. Danny licked his lips tasting his wife still on them. He grinned seeing her head thrown back and her eyes rolled to the back of her head before he pressed a sweet kiss to her chest just above her heart. Danny lifted his wife carrying her to the couch in the basement. He could feel himself straining against the jeans he wore.

Danny placed Linda on the couch pulling his shirt off and kicking off his pants before straddling her. Danny lost his breath when he felt Linda wrap her hands around him. She gripped him just tight enough before stroking him. Linda started slowly before quickening her pace. She could see how much effort Danny was putting in, trying not to blow with just the touch of her hand. Her eyes watched as his ab muscles tightened. Her eyes followed the lines and marks on Danny's body as if it was a map. Linda curled one hand around his neck pulling his lips to hers as he stroked him with the other. She wished they were in their bed where she could wrap her lips around him, though she knew he'd never make it long if her lips touched him. She licked her lips wishing she could taste him. Linda felt Danny's body above hers. He pressed closer to her body, his chest pushing her into the couch cushions. The warmth of his skin burning against her. Their breath mingling together as their mouths refused to move from one another. Linda felt his weight crushing her yet making her feel safe and secure at the same time. Linda quicked her pace feeling Danny harden in her hand. She swiped her thumb across his head feeling him leaking as she pumped her hand down to the shaft and back up. She alternated the pressure she was using knowing exactly how to drive him crazy. Linda teased Danny as her hand slipped up and down easily using his own fluid as lubricant. She knew he was holding himself back. He always put her first. Through everything together. His focus was on her, making her feel good, making her feel better. 

Linda was desperate to feel Danny inside her. She hooked her ankles behind the small of Danny's back pulling him closer. Danny didn't need more direction. He lined himself up before pushing into his wife. Linda's body welcomed Danny as if it was welcoming him home. Danny pumped in and out of Linda slowly rocking their bodies together. Her nails raked down his back desperate to touch him. His tongue pushed it's way into her mouth mimicking the movements of his hips. Danny felt his body tingle from his head to his toes. He picked up the pace slamming into his wife, over and over until he finally exploded. Danny crushed Linda beneath him as he filled her. Pleasure ripping through him. He growled her name in a low moan as he peaked. He could still feel himself want her. He gave them each only a moment of recovery time before he picked up where he left off. Only this time his fingers slipped between their bodies. Danny opened his mouth, licking her breast, taking it in his mouth, showing her that she was sexy, beautiful, wanted, loved. He moved from one breast to the other nipping playfully at her body as he did everything he could to make her feel loved. He moaned loudly when he felt her body squeeze him. Linda swore she was going to black out as a second wave slammed her hard. Danny pumped faster as she pulsed around him. Linda's whole body tensed when she crashed a third time. Danny couldn't hold himself back anymore. Linda's body milked him dry as he filled her once again. So much so that her body couldn't hold it in. Linda felt the warmth of the two of them mixed together drip down her body onto the couch creating a wet spot beneath her. Danny caught her lips with his, slipping his tongue between her open lips. The two of them kissed sweetly as they both tried to remember how to breathe again. Danny fervently kissed down to Linda's neck feeling her heart race beneath his lips.

Danny braced his arms on either side of Linda's head so he wouldn't squish her beneath him, "Oh God I love you." He panted.

Linda tightened her legs, which were still wrapped around him, "I love you." Linda kissed her husband, "Danny, I love you so much."

Danny smiled, "You're beautiful. I don't tell you that enough." Danny kissed her again, "I should tell you that more often." Linda couldn't stop the blush from pinking up her whole body, "You're the most beautiful woman in the world and I have no idea how I ended up with such an amazing, wonderful, loving, caring, beautiful, sexy woman like you."

"Danny." Linda smiled wide, "I don't know what I'd do without you." Linda said honestly.

"I pray to God you'll never have to find out. Thought I don't want to ever find out what I'd do without you." Danny said honestly. Linda nodded her head. She bit her bottom lip. What if the lump was something? What if it was cancer? She didn't want to leave Danny. She couldn't. Linda hadn't noticed her tears until she felt Danny's lips on hers, "No more tears, my love." He whispered, "We'll get you looked at. We'll figure this out. Together. No matter what. We're together." Linda nodded her head pulling Danny closer. The weight of him on top of her, grounding her. Keeping her from losing control. His scent filling her nose. The taste of him on her tongue. Danny surrounding her, filling her senses, filling her body, was the one stable thing she could find to cling to while her world spun out of control.


	7. Chapter 7

The following Wednesday found Kathleen Reagan sitting at the bar of the restaurant she was meeting a friend at. She sipped her drink slowly while she checked the time again. Her friend was running late.

"Excuse me." A man sitting just a few stools down from her spoke up.

"Yes?" Kathleen smiled politely.

"Do you have the time? I forgot my phone in the car." He asked.

Kathleen nodded her head, "It's seven-twelve." 

"Thanks." He grinned. He moved a stool closer to Kathleen. He eyed her up and down noticing her wedding ring, "Waiting on your husband?" He asked.

"No. Just a friend." Kathleen told him.

"Your husband must be some lucky guy. He's got a very pretty wife." The man complimented Kathleen.

"He is lucky." Kathleen looked at her phone once again hoping her friend would get there soon.

The man moved to the stool next to Kathleen, "Can I buy you a drink?" He asked boldly.

"I'm okay. Thanks anyway." Kathleen shook her head, "I think I'm going to call my friend." Kathleen stood from the stool. She paid for her drink then walked away from the bar.The man continued to make her feel uncomfortable as he spoke to her. Kathleen stepped outside of the restaurant searching her contacts list for her friend. She moved to the side to be out of the way of the door, not realizing she was moving closer to a dim alleyway. Kathleen dropped her phone when she felt someone grab her arm.

"C'mon. You can't leave like that. You can't just lead a guy on." The man from the bar held her arm tight in his hand.

"Let go of me." Kathleen demanded.

"What's the matter?" The man yanked Kathleen into the alleyway, "You can cheat with a friend but not me? I promise. I'm a lot more fun."

"You have no idea who you're messing with. I'll tell you again, let me go." Kathleen planted her feet on the ground stopping the man from pulling her.

"A slut. That's who. A lying cheating whore." The man pushed Kathleen back against the brick wall.

Kathleen was just about to fight back when the alley lit up with red and blue lights. The second the lights flashed the man let go of Kathleen, "Next time you won't be so lucky, bitch." The man spat at her before running down the alley the opposite way.

"STOP! NYPD!" Two officers raced down the alley after the man.

Kathleen put her head back against the brick wall to catch her breath. The man was going to attempt to rape her. She was sure of it. The adrenaline in her body making her shake as she tried to calm down.

"KATHLEEN!" Someone shouted her name. Her head snapped to the direction of the voice. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Jack running to her, "You okay? You alright? Did he hurt you?" Jack ran his hands up and down Kathleen checking her for injuries.

"I'm okay. He just grabbed my arm and tried to scare me. I'm alright." Kathleen assured her husband.

"You should get checked out just in case." Jack's voice was thick with worry.

"Jack, I'm okay. I just need to go home." Kathleen hugged her husband tightly.

Jack held Kathleen in his arms, "Okay. Then let's get you home." He kissed her cheek, "I'll drive you."

Kathleen nodded her head, "Thanks."

Jack squeezed Kathleen tighter. He was thankful to the attentive bartender that called the non-emergency line about a creepy guy following a woman out of the bar. When he told the cops the woman's name was Kathleen Reagan, the importance of the call shot up. Jack had no idea that the man he was chasing and the man who had tried to attack Kathleen were the exact same person. That if the bartender hadn't known who was sitting at his bar and the people around him, Kathleen would have been the next victim in his killer's crime spree.

* * *

Saturday night Jack was once again called to work. He stepped out of the sedan, "Another one?" Jack sighed.

"Yeah. Only this time he was messy. This time it was quicker, messy, angry." The Officer on the scene told Jack.

"Hopefully this means he left a print of something." Jack said.

"No luck on that but we might be able to see if he's in the system." The officer said. He pointed to the victim, "She scratched him good. M.E. said there's some skin under the victim's fingernails."

"Hopefully this monster pops in the system." Jack nodded his head. He took in the scene before him. The woman looked much like Kathleen with her long blonde hair. Jack frowned. He hated when cases reminded him of his family. He vowed to find the killer before he had a chance to ruin another family. Before he had the chance to kill another wife. Another mother. Another woman whose life was cut far too short. Jack was talking to a witness when he was approached by another Detective.

"Detective Reagan?" A woman walked up to him.

"Yes." Jack looked over at her.

"Detective Olivia Benson. This is my partner Detective Elliot Stabler." She stuck her hand out, "Got a few minutes?" 

"Sure. What's up?" Jack asked her.

"These new murders, I think they are copy-cats of a cold case of ours. Or maybe the same person. I'm not sure." Detective Benson said.

"What cold case?" Jack asked.

"A few years ago we had a rash of murders just like this. Never caught the guy." Detective Stabler explained, "Mind if we join in on this?"

"Please do. Maybe your old case files have something we haven't seen yet." Jack thought out loud.

"Great. Your house or ours?" Stabler asked.

"We'll host." Jack's partner, Detective Ingalls said. The four split into pairs to gather everything they knew about the murders in the hopes that more hands on the case would prevent another sensless murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini-SVU crossover. :)


	8. Chapter 8

"So you still think this could be our guy?" Jack asked Detective's Benson and Stabler. They'd shared all information on the case with one another. After a long weekend, it was finally Monday. They were hopeful they could find whoever was killing these women before they killed again. It was pretty clear that whoever was attacking women now, had done so in the past as well.

"Whoever this was, killed five women. All the same way. He lured them from a public spot. Usually a bar or club. Raped them, then strangled them to death. He left the same calling card with the Bible verse on it. All the women were married. Ages ranging from mid-twenties to late thirties. All caucasian with long blonde hair. Each woman is slender and tall." Stabler said, "Now, eight years later, same M.O. pops up. And that Bible verse never made it to the press. So this person knows the original killer or  _is_ the original killer."

"Why married women though? What's his attraction to that? And with the Bible verse talking about cheating and being faithful to marriage." Detective Ingalls wondered out loud.

"Long blonde hair." Jack murmured to himself, "Same age. Same build. Oh my God." Jack gasped.

"What?" Benson asked him.

"My wife. About a week ago. She-she was at a bar in a restaurant waiting on a work friend. They were meeting up for drinks and to go over some work stuff. She left the bar when some guy hit on her and he pushed her in an alley. The only reason we got there so fast was that the bartender knew she was my wife and saw the guy getting too close to her, then saw him chase after her out of the restaurant. So he gave the nearest percent a call to check it out to make sure she was okay. He ran off the second he saw lights. We didn't catch him. I didn't think about it. I-I didn't even think to worry about him. Figured he was just a jackass or some pervert." Jack shook his head realizing how close he came to losing his wife, "I didn't think about it. But she fits the profile. Slender, tall, late-twenties, married, long blonde hair." 

Detective Stabler saw the color drain from Jack's face, "Sit and breathe for a minute. Where is your wife now?"

"Work. Downtown social services. She's a social worker." Jack said, "I have to call her." He pulled his cell phone out.

"Call in the car. Let's go pick her up and get her to talk to a sketch artist. Maybe we can get an ID on this guy. Liv, why don't you and Detective Ingalls get to the restaurant. See if you can take a look at the security camera footage." Detective Stabler said to his partner.

"Got it." Benson nodded her head. She and Detective Ingalls parted from Jack and Detective Stabler. Jack calling Kathleen cursing when her phone went to voicemail. Rationally he knew she was probably just busy but the protective, irrational side of him told him to get to her side as soon as possible. Who knows what this psychopath would do to a woman who got away from him.

* * *

Lieutenant Danny Reagan sat at his desk that Monday morning. He'd heard about the murder and the collaboration between the 18th precinct and the 55th. Between helping Sean and Lucy with the kids while Lucy stayed in the hospital waiting until she could deliver, helping Linda through the emotional turmoil of the possibility of having breast cancer, daily routine with the kids, his own cases, keeping a watchful eye over Kathleen after what happened just a few night ago, and everything else on his plate Danny was starting to feel run down. Linda had an appointment that morning with her doctor. Danny promised that no matter what they found he'd stick by her side. This was the second appointment. The lump was biopsied and the results were back. Danny was terrified for his wife. He knew that his fear didn't hold a candle to hers. Danny looked at the time on his phone. He had to get himself together to leave for Lida's appointment. He refused to miss it. Danny grabbed his suit jacket off the back of his chair before making his way out the door of his office. His mind thinking only of his wife.

* * *

Kathleen Reagan had just gotten back to her office when she heard a commotion down the hall. She barely had time to stand before her door was being opened by none other than her husband, "Jack!" Kathleen shouted in shock. Jack's eyes were wide with fear and relief.

"You're okay." Jack wrapped his arms around his wife.

"I'm fine. What's wrong? Are the kids okay? Are you okay?" Kathleen asked worried that something had happened.

"Kids are great. I'm okay. I just needed to check on you." Jack said.

"What's going on?" Kathleen looked from Jack to the Detective she'd never met.

"Kathleen, this is Detective Stabler. He's SVU out of the 55th." Jack introduced the two of them, "This is my wife, Kathleen Reagan."

"Nice to meet you." Kathleen shook his hand.

"You too." Detective Stabler smiled.

"Do you remember the guy from the bar last week?" Jack asked Kathleen.

"Yeah. Why?" Kathleen wondered what he could be involved in. To have two Detectives in front of her must mean he was in their eyesight for something.

"I'm working a case I think he might be involved in." Jack took Kathleen's hands in his, "Do you think you can talk to a sketch artist? And detail out the interaction?"

"Sure. I can do that." Kathleen nodded her head, "Did he rape some poor woman?"

"We think he raped a few women. Then murdered them." Detective Stabler said, "What he did, following you, and cornering you in an alley is the same M.O. as the guy we are chasing and you fit the guy's profile. He goes after married, slender, tall women. Same age range as you and same long blonde hair."

"You think he was going to kill me." Kathleen took a deep breath.

Jack nodded his head, "It's a possibility." 

"Okay." Kathleen said, "Let me just grab my stuff." Her hand shook as she went to grab her purse.

Jack put his hand over hers, "He's not going to be able to get within an inch of you."

"I know. Between your gun and mine, he won't be able to move." Kathleen smiled at her husband, thanking God the attacker hadn't gotten any further in his plan only a week ago.

* * *

At the hospital, Lucy laid in the hospital bed flipping through the TV channels. Sean was at work, the kids were at school and Linda had gone to an appointment but promised she'd come back and sit with Lucy while doing paperwork remotely from her laptop. Linda had set up a mini-office in Lucy's room to keep Lucy company during the day. At twenty-two weeks pregnant she was counting down the days. The doctor had talked about delivering at twenty-four weeks if things didn't get better soon. Lucy was allowed small restricted movement throughout the day but it gave her the small freedom to get up and use the restroom as she pleased. Lucy sighed as she flipped the TV off. Nothing good was on and anything that looked like she could sit through it just wasn't what she wanted to watch at that moment. Lucy slipped out of the hospital bed to pee for the fifth time that hour. She carefully and slowly walked to the bathroom frowning. She felt wet. She knew she was peeing a lot and with the girls, she would sneeze and pee a little but she swore she couldn't have peed herself. The medication she was on made her have to go more often but it shouldn't make her go and not know about it. Lucy pulled her panties down before sitting on the toilet. The bright red spots on her panties screamed at her. Lucy covered her mouth with both hands as she broke down in tears. She yanked the cord in the bathroom to call for the nurses as she started to hyperventilate.


	9. Chapter 9

Linda Reagan sat in the doctor's office with Danny at her side. They sat on the uncomfortable couch in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to come and deliver the test results of Linda's biopsy. Linda hated this office. The office of an oncologist. She'd prayed when she thought she had cervial cancer that was the last time she had to see an oncologist. Yet here she was. Danny had his arm around Linda, holding her close with his other hand resting on her knee that she could barely stop from moving. She was so scared of what the doctor was going to say. The door to the office opened and Linda prepared herself for the worst.

"Linda." Dr. Newfeld smiled, "Danny. Sorry about the wait. I just wanted to check one last thing." Dr. Newfeld was an older woman with salt and pepper hair in tight curls atop her head. Her voice remained calm and soft when speaking and she never failed to make her patients feel as comfortable as possible. She took a seat across from Danny and Linda, "Okay Linda. As you know your mammogram was abnormal so we did a biopsy of the lump on your left breast. We also did a biopsy of some of the tissue from your right breast to check for any abnormalities to be cautious. With your family history of cancer and the growths you had a few years ago when you were checked for cervical cancer, we just want to be as thorough as possible." Linda squeezed Danny's hand as the doctor talked, "Linda. You have Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. Otherwise known as DCIS or stage zero breast cancer."

"Oh God." Linda put a hand over her heart. She was sure it stopped beating., "Oh my God." Linda squeezed her eyes tight as the tears started to fall. She couldn't stop it. Her world had stopped spinning and she was drowning at the same time. She covered her mouth, doubling over as she sobbed. Danny wrapped his arms around his wife as his own tears fell. He would need a lot more information than what the doctor had already stated, but watching his wife crumble was the one thing that made him lose his own resolve.

He hugged Linda close, "Breathe baby. It's okay. It's going to be okay." Danny made a promise he prayed he'd be able to keep.

"Linda, this is a good thing we caught it now. I'm sorry this is so hard to hear." Dr. Newfeld tried to calm her patient down, "You have a rapid growth of cancer cells in the left breast. You also present with Paget disease of the breast on both breasts. Paget disease is a type of cancer involving the nipple and areola. In addition, we do see cancerous cells in the right breast. Your left breast is more advanced than the right. The left breast presents with comedo necrosis, meaning there are dead cancer cells as well as live cells because of the rapid growth of the abnormal cells." 

Danny rubbed Linda's back soothingly, "Okay. So what do we do? Radiation, chemo, what now?" Linda shook her head against Danny's chest. She knew enough to assume what the oncologist was going to suggest.

"There are options, however in this circumstance and with Linda's age and family history of cancer recommendation is a double mastectomy with a sentinel lymph node biopsy to be sure there are no remaining cancer cells. We could do a lumpectomy and conserve as much of the breast as possible however with the left breast there won't be much left after and you would have radiation treatment after to be sure the cancer is gone. The left breast is not a good candidate for a lumpectomy. It would be best to remove the entire breast. As far as the right breast, it's a candidate for a lumpectomy however with the left having such a high, quick growth we can't be sure it won't happen to the right. The best and safest thing for long-term survival would be to remove both breasts. However in either case we woul dstill need to remove both nipples and areolas because of the Paget disese."

"I'm going to lose both of my breasts." Linda took a deep breath, "Oh my God. This can't be happening." She shook her head.

"I know this is a lot to take in." The doctor said, "You have some time to think about things and your options."

"What other option do I have?" Linda looked at the doctor, "Sit on it and know that it's going to turn into breast cancer anyway." Linda closed her eyes, "I know what needs to be done." Linda breathed deep trying to control herself, "Taking both breasts is the best option." Linda's voice shook as she spoke.

"You can take some time to talk with your husband. We don't have to decide anything today." Dr. Newfeld said softly.

Linda shook her head, "If I don't do it, there is a high chance of it developing into stage one breast cancer. If we take both breasts the risk is lowered. So, let's just do it. Get it done and over with." 

"Linda. You don't have to decide anything right now." Danny hugged her tight.

"If I don't decide now, I don't think I ever will." Linda said honestly, "We'll do the surgery." She told the doctor.

"Okay." Dr. Newfeld nodded her head, "We'll have a few more meetings and get a team together. We'll talk to the plastic surgeon if you decided to do breast reconstruction immediately after the mastectomy or would like to wait for reconstruction."

Linda nodded her head, "Okay." 

"Do you have any questions about anything?" Dr. Newfeld asked.

"What's the survival rate?" Danny cautiously asked a question he never thought he'd need an answer to. He never thought that he'd have to ask if Linda was going to live long enough to grow old with him or not.

"With the double mastectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy, the survival rate is almost ninety-eight to ninety-nine percent. Without the surgery, it will most certainly evolve into stage one breast cancer in about three years." The doctor told him.

"How long until the surgery?" Linda asked.

"Let's give you a few days. Let it all sink in. And we can make another appointment next week to start getting a team together and talk to a plastic surgeon before surgery." Dr. Newfeld handed Danny some paperwork, "Read over these and feel free to give me a call if you have any questions." She told Linda and Danny.

"Thank you." Danny shook the doctor's hand. He stood with Linda still in his arms. He needed to hold onto her almost as much as she needed to hold onto him. Danny led Linda out of the office to make an appointment for the following week. He had no idea what they were going to tell the family. How they were going to tell them. How Linda was going to handle losing her breasts. She'd frozen the second they walked out of the office. Danny wished he could make this all go away for his wife. That somehow, some way he could make this better. He kept his arm around her waist as they walked to the car together.

Danny opened Linda's car door for her. Closing it when she was seated. When he sat in the driver's seat he noticed Linda staring out the window with tears flowing down her cheeks, "Linda." Danny put a hand on her leg.

"I just want to go home." Linda whispered as she cried.

"Okay." Danny nodded his head. He'd take Linda anywhere in the world if she asked. Danny held Linda's hand in his while she silently cried the whole ride home.


	10. Chapter 10

The second Linda got home she went straight to her bedroom. She sat on the corner of her bed. Linda put her head in her hands. She still couldn't believe what the doctor said. She had breast cancer. She would lose both of her breasts. Linda wasn't even sure she understood what was happening to her. How could this happen? How could God add this to Linda's plate? Why her? Linda wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath. Like the walls were caving in on her. Danny followed Linda to their room. He sat beside her, "Hey." He put a hand on her back.

"I can't do this." Linda shook her head, "I can't." Linda leaned against Danny's side.

Danny wrapped his arms around her, "Honey." He held her close.

"I have...lost my uterus...The womb I carried our children in." Linda sniffled, "And now I'm going to lose my breasts." Linda put her hand over her mouth, "How much of myself do I have to keep losing?" Linda's body shook as she cried in her husband's arms. Danny pressed a soft kiss to her head, "If I...." Linda clawed at Danny's shirt grasping for anything to keep her from feeling like she was drowning, "This can't be happening to me." Linda's chest tightened. Her heart hammered inside of her. Linda unconsciously pulled at the button-down blouse she had been wearing. It felt too tight. Her chest hurt. She couldn't breathe. Everything was swirling together, like a relentless merry-go-round that wouldn't stop spinning.

Danny watched helplessly as Linda had a panic attack, "Linda." He tried to focus her attention.

"I can't breathe." Linda's breaths came in quick, short bursts. Her fingers trembled as she tried to unbutton her shirt. Her body temperature was spiking. She needed to get the shirt off, "Danny. I can't breathe." Linda hyperventilated as she ripped the shirt off sending buttons flying through the air. Her next task was to unclasp her bra. It was all too constricting. It hurt too much.

"Baby. You have to calm down." Danny's voice was filled with worry as he watched her tear at her clothes.

"Get this off me." Linda tried as hard as she could but with her shaky hands, she couldn't unclasp the bra. Seeing his wife's need to strip, Danny unhooked her bra. Linda flung it to the floor putting both hands over her heart. She swore it was going to jump out of her chest, "I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe." Linda panicked.

"You're okay Baby. You're okay." Danny rubbed her back in slow circles, "C'mon Babe. You can do this. Just breathe with me. Shhh. It's alright." 

"I feel like I'm going to die." Linda sobbed. She pressed her hands harder to her chest hoping to hold her heart in.

"You're not going to die. I promise. It's alright." Danny cupped Linda's face, tilting it to look into her eyes, "Look at me. Just focus on me. Let everything else go. Just breathe with me." Danny rested their foreheads together, "Slow, deep breathes. You're going to get through this."

Linda nodded her head the best she could in Danny's hand, "Danny."

"Shhhh. Just wait. Just breathe." Danny kissed the tip of her nose. He watched as she started to regulate her breathing, "Good. Just like that." Danny praised as he watched Linda's breathes slow down.

"How am I supposed to feel like a woman anymore?" Linda whispered. She looked into Danny's eyes, "With the hysterectomy and now a double mastectomy." Linda paused to wipe her eyes, "Every part of me that makes me a woman is going away or being taken from me. I'm going to have scars where my breasts are. How does that still make me a woman?" Linda shook her head, "I'm going to have to get my breasts reconstructed. And have implants. They'll be fakes. Because my body is so diseased and toxic. Oh God." Linda gasped, "The kids."

"What about the kids?" Danny asked her.

"It's hereditary. Faith has a high risk of it. It's passed through Jack and Sean to their kids. Maddie will have a high risk. And the boys could get it or pass it to great-grandchildren. Oh my God." Linda hated the tears that wouldn't stop pouring from her eyes, "What if one of them gets it and dies? It would be my fault. Oh, God. I can't. That can't happen."

"Linda. Linda. Baby. Hey. You're spiraling again. Just breathe. It's okay. The kids are okay." Danny tried to keep her from throwing herself back into a panic, "Why don't we get you into something comfortable and we can lay down. You should get some rest." Danny suggested.

"I'm not tired." Linda told him.

"I know. But you should still get some rest. This has been a long, stressful, rough, day for you. So let's get you comfortable and you can come lay down with me." Danny insisted.

"Okay." Linda nodded her head not in the mood to disagree with him. 

"Okay." Danny kissed the top of her head. He gently escaped Linda's grasp to pull his old Marine's t-shirt from his drawer, "Here we go."  He gently pulled the shirt over her head and arms. Danny knelt in front of Linda taking her shoes off her feet, "Stand up." He gently instructed so he could pull her pants off, "C'mon." Danny carefully helped Linda climb to the head of their bed. He left her side for only a moment to change into something more comfortable for himself. The sun peaked through their curtain. Lighting their room in the middle of the day. Danny wrapped his arms around his wife being her big spoon. Her protector. Her bodyguard. Danny held Linda tight, "I'm by your side. No matter what."

"Even after the surgery?" Linda couldn't help but ask the burning question in her mind. She knew Danny loved her. But after losing her chest she wasn't sure he could get over that. Linda wasn't sure  _she_ could get over that.

"I love you. No matter what happens. I will always love you." Danny promised, "God Linda, I love you so much." Danny felt tears sting the corners of his eyes. He hated the fact that Linda had to endure this type of pain and terror. That she had to go through this. He couldn't imagine how she felt. He just hoped and prayed, he'd be enough. That he could be whatever Linda needed him to be to make it through the rough path she was about to embark upon.


	11. Chapter 11

"No. Closer together. Yeah. Like that. Perfect." Kathleen Reagan was sitting in the 18th precinct talking to a police sketch artist about the man who attempted to attack her. Jack was at his desk talking with Detective Stabler going over Kathleen's police report step by step from that night. They hoped Detective Ingallas and Detective Benson were having better luck with the security footage than they were trying to locate the person that went after Kathleen.

"How's this Mrs. Reagan?" The sketch artist asked her.

"His nose was a little more square." She pointed out.

"Okay." The artist nodded, "Like this?" 

"Yeah. Just like that." Kathleen watched as the artist altered his sketch, "Oh my God." Kathleen gasped. Jack turned hearing his wife's voice shake, "That's him. That's the guy."  Jack walked over to Kathleen.

"Are you sure Mrs. Reagan?" The artist asked her.

"I'm sure. That's him." Kathleen took a deep breath as Jack placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Detective." The artist handed over the sketch.

"Thank's Ryan." Jack shook the sketch artists hand before he walked away, "You okay?" Jack asked Kathleen.

"I'm alright." She smiled. Jack escorted Kathleen towards his desk where Detective Stabler was sitting. She smiled seeing photos of her and the kids on his desk. She blushed seeing their wedding photo in the corner of his desk, "I just hope the sketch is enough to ID this guy."

"It will help." Detective Stabler said.

Kathleen smiled, "I hope so." She looked at Jack, "So now what?" 

"Now you take the car, pick up the kids and go home." Jack grinned, "I'll have some guys sit on the house until I get home."

"I don't need an escort, Jack. I can handle myself." Kathleen squeezed his hand.

"I know you can. But this way you have some backup." Jack kissed her cheek.

Kathleen sighed. She'd learned her lession a long time ago. Never argue with a blue-blooded Reagan when they are protecting their family. It was like talking to a brick wall. Kathleen nodded her head, "If you insist." She smiled.

"I do." Jack said honestly, "Officer McNeal and Officer Sanders will follow you to get the kids, then home. They'll sit on the house until I get home tonight."

"You're really worried about this guy." Kathleen frowned. She hadn't seen Jack this upset in a long time.

"I finally understand why my dad was always freaking out on us when we were kids or checking on my mom. I don't want to take chances with you or the kids. I get why he didn't either." Jack explained.

"Okay. Then why don't I get the kids and stay at your parent's house? You can call off the protective detail and if you work late we can crash there tonight. The kids and I will be safe with your parents and Frank around." Kathleen suggested.

"I like the way you think." Jack kissed her sweetly.

"I'll call your mom on my way to get the kids." Kathleen told him.

"Okay. I'll call you later. Love you." Jack hugged his wife.

"Love you too." Kathleen held him close, "Stay safe."

"I'll see you tonight." Jack promised. He kissed Kathleen once again before watching her leave with the officers. He turned back to Detective Stabler, "We need to find this guy."

"Benson just got off the phone. They have security footage of the bar and a clear picture of the guy your wife was speaking to before she left the bar." Detective Stabler told him.

"Let's go check it out." Jack grabbed the sketch from his desk to compare it to the security footage hoping they could find this guy before he hurt another woman.

* * *

In the hospital, Lucy sat up in the hospital bed with Sean at her side. He gently rubbed his hand over her belly. When the hospital called him while he was working he rushed right over. Lucy had found blood in her panties when she went to the bathroom. Luckily the tests showed it was just some spotting and the placental abruption hadn't gotten any worse. Lucy tried to keep herself from worrying. The doctors checked her and the baby out before Sean was able to get there. 

"It's going to be okay Lucy." Sean said.

"I'm sorry." Lucy shook her head.

"For what?" Sean asked her.

"For not being better. For not being able to have a baby together. For this. Sean, you don't deserve this." Lucy dropped her chin to her chest.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I love you. We just have to stay positive and keep praying. Two weeks. That's the minimum to get to. We can do this, Lucy. It's just two weeks." Sean said softly.

"What if I don't make it two more weeks?" She asked.

"You will. Our baby has the best of us inside. And neither one of us gives up easily." Sean smiled.

Lucy nodded her head, "I'm scared. I don't want to lose this baby."

"I'm scared too." Sean admitted, "But I'm confident you'll make it two more weeks." Sean rubbed her belly, "You just stay put. Cook a little longer." Sean talked to Lucy's belly. He prayed he was right. That she'd make it just two more weeks. Longer was better but she had to get to at least twenty-four weeks for the baby to have a chance of survival. Sean didn't know how they'd make it if they lost the baby at this point.

* * *

Margaret stared at the thin white stick in her hands. Those two little lines told her everything she needed to know about the next steps to take. Over the last few days, she had found herself more tired than usual. Her breasts were sore and she felt like she couldn't keep anything down. Seeing as how Will wasn't feeling well either Margaret chalked it up to a cold going through the house. When her period was late she took a test. The first two were negative. A few days later she took another test. The test she was holding in her hands. Margaret looked at the time on her cell phone. It would be another few hours until Jamie would be home. Margaret tossed the stick wondering how she was going to surprise her husband tonight. She couldn't wait to tell the whole family she was expecting again.


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you sure Linda doesn't mind us staying here? I didn't realize she doesn't feel well." Kathleen carried the twins into her in-law's house.

"She'll be fine with it. She's resting but I know she won't object to her grandchildren or her children staying here so they can be safe." Danny smiled. He helped Gus take off his shoes, "Maddie, why don't you take Gus to the playroom. Spense, Sam, Faith, and Grace are in there and Charlie, Ava, and Emma are sleeping over too."

"Okay, Grandpa." Maddie smiled, "C'mon Gus-Gus."

"Let me see one of these boys." Danny unclipped Elijah from his car seat, "Were you good at daycare today?" 

"They were fantastic. That's the report I got. Their teacher said both boys were happy all day." Kathleen smiled, "Full house tonight?"

"Well with Lucy in the hospital until she delivers the baby, Sean really wanted to stay with her. There was a moment of panic when she had a little bleeding but both Lucy and the baby are okay. But Sean wants to be there in case something happens overnight." Danny explained.

"I'm sorry. If I knew that I would have stayed home with mine." Kathleen frowned. She felt as if she was becoming more of a burden on her husband's parents.

"Linda and I are happy to have you and the kids here. And all the kids love getting together to play. Adding two more to run around and two that are immobile at the moment isn't a big deal. It's fine. Besides, this way the whole family is together. As together as we can be for the time being. Plus, Jamie and Margaret are coming over for dinner. An impromptu family dinner." Danny walked with Kathleen into the living room, "How about you hang out in here for a little bit." Danny said putting Elijah in one of the infant bouncy seats.

Joshua started fussing in Kathleen's arms, "I know. You're hungry." She said to her baby, "Your brother is going to be hungry too soon. I think I'll call Jack and let him know I'm here. I told him I'd call him tonight at some point." Kathleen smiled.

"Daddy!" Spense yelled from the playroom.

"Don't! You'll get me in trouble!" Faith yelled at Spense.

"Gimmie!" Spense yelled louder.

"I'll be back." Danny shook his head wondering what his two were fighting about, "Margaret and Jamie should be here soon. Frank's in the kitchen. No idea what he's making but he's cooking dinner for everyone."

"So I should order pizza as a backup?" Kathleen grinned.

"Probably." Danny nodded his head with a laugh. He walked out of the living room leaving Kathleen alone with her boys to nurse them while he checked on the kids. Once they were settled Danny made his way to the stairs.

"Hey, Danny!" Jamie's voice boomed from the door.

"Where's Linda? We wanted to talk to you two for a minute." Margaret was glowing as she spoke.

"She's upstairs. She's not really feeling the best." Danny explained, "This family dinner just kind-of exploded unexpectedly tonight." Danny said.

"What do you mean?" Jamie asked.

"Jack's working but wanted Kathleen and the kids to be watched over and she didn't want a unit outside the house so they are staying here. Sean is staying with Lucy in the hospital because there was a slight problem with her and the baby. They are fine but Sean wanted to stay there so we've got the grandkids. And you two and the kids, that's everyone." Danny explained.

"I'm sorry Danny." Margaret sighed, "I didn't realize Linda wasn't feeling well. We didn't mean to impose." 

"You didn't." Danny insisted, "It's fine. She just...isn't having a good day." Danny said not wanting to say too much before he and Linda even had a chance to process everything.

"Does she need anything? Is it a cold or something? With the weather change, we've seen a few allergy issues and there's a stomach bug going around too." Margaret told him.

"No no. Nothing like that. I'm actually going up to check on her. Mind keeping an eye on the kids for me?" Danny asked his little brother and sister-in-law.

"Sure." Jamie nodded his head.

"Give her our love." Margaret smiled.

"I will." Danny nodded as he took the steps two at a time to his and Linda's bedroom.

Danny quietly entered the room wondering if Linda was still asleep. He frowned when she wasn't in their bed. Danny heard the shower running through the closed bathroom door. As he walked closer he thought he heard something else in the room. He strained to listen. Danny's heart fell when he heard soft quiet sobs echoing in the shower. Danny opened the door just enough to poke his head in, "Linda?" He called softly, "Babe are you okay?" Danny started to worry when she didn't respond, "Linda." Once again he was met with the sad broken cries of his wife, "Linda, I'm going to come in the bathroom. Okay? It's just me." Danny quietly entered the bathroom shutting the door behind him. The first thing he noticed when he stepped into the bathroom was how the mirror wasn't fogged up. Not even a corner of it. In fact, it didn't seem like Linda even had the hot water running, "Linda. Are you alright?" Danny pulled back the curtain a little bit not knowing what was going on. Linda was sitting in the tub with the cold water running over her. She still wore his shirt and the shorts she had put on when she fell asleep. Her lips were tinged blue. Goosebumps were all over her arms and legs. Her knees were pulled to her chest as she hugged them close. The clothes were matted to her body indicating the length of time she'd been sitting in the cold shower. Danny knew there were tears falling down her face, mixing with the water from the shower. Her eyes and ears were closed to the world as she lost herself in her sorrow. Linda's fingertips and toes were pruning showing just how long she'd been sitting there in the frigid water. Danny was shocked when his hand touched Linda's shoulder. She felt ice cold, the water even colder as it pelted her body, "Linda." Danny said forcefully, "What are you doing? You're going to freeze to death." Danny quickly flipped the water warmer taking care not to make it too warm and put her into shock.

Linda looked at him for a moment before replying, "I..I c-c-couldn't breathe again." Her teeth clattered together.

"We have to warm you up." Danny said.

"I-I....I'm okay." Linda shook her head.

"No, you're not." Danny reached for his shirt Linda was wearing, "Let's get this off you."

"No." Linda shook her head and covered her breasts, "I can't see them." She cried.

Danny nodded his head, "Linda. We have to get you warmed up. You don't have to look at them. Look at me. Focus on me." Danny tugged the shirt off his wife. He saw her clench her eyes shut the second her chest was exposed, "Just breathe." Danny said softly. He saw how Linda's body was relentlessly shaking even with the warm water on her skin. Danny tore his own shirt off before shucking his pants and boxers off in one swoop. He stepped into the shower getting down to Linda's level, "I need you to stand up for me." Danny carefully lifted Linda in his arms. He pulled the wet shorts that had stuck to her off followed by her panties. Danny frowned as he pulled Linda against him. Her skin felt colder than when she spent the day outside with the kids in the snow last winter. He turned the water temperature up, praying she'd get warm soon.

"D-Danny." Linda sniffed realizing how cold her body was.

"It's okay." Danny held her close. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, "It's okay. I've got you." Danny promised. Danny stood in the shower until the hot water started to cool down. He didn't want Linda to be any colder than she already was. Danny stepped out of the shower first grabbing a large warm fluffy towel. Linda had bought them a long time ago explaining that it was perfectly normal to pay so much money for spa quality towels. Danny was never more thankful for her silly purchase than now, "Let's get you dry." He wrapped the towel around Linda guiding her out of the shower. Danny ran his hands up and down her arms as he held her close, "There we go." He whispered soothingly, "Let's get your hair dry too." Danny gently towel dried Linda's hair being sure to squeeze as much water out as possible. Linda stood as if frozen in shock letting Danny fuss over her. Her tears had stopped but her soul felt heavy. Linda felt as if she was facing death in front of her. If she made the wrong move, it would take her in an instant. Danny wrapped a towel around his waist as he quickly went to fetch them both something to wear. It may be warm outside but Danny could still feel the cold on Linda's skin. Her lips pinked up in the shower and her body stopped shivering but the fact that she remained mostly motionless worried him. Danny grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a light long sleeve shirt for Linda as well as clothes for himself. Danny's worry amplified when he walked back into the bathroom. Linda had dropped her towel to the floor and was staring at her breasts. One hand feeling the lump on her left breast, "Let's get some clothes on. I don't want you to get cold." Danny slowly walked towards his wife.

"You know I thought one of the worst things to happen to me was a gunshot scar. Or a wound that left an ugly mark on my body. A scar from being stabbed." Linda traced over the scar on her chest from when she was stabbed by a woman seeking revenge on the Reagan family, "I'm going to lose my breasts. And in its place, I'll have two reminders, two deep thick scars. And every time I look at myself in the mirror...it will be a reminder of how I lost so much. Of how my body tried to kill me. How I could have passed something to kill my own children and grandchildren. Two disgusting ugly scars. I don't even know how you think it's possible you'll ever look at me again. I've seen these types of scars. They're not pretty. And even after a breast reconstruction, there are still scars. It's just putting something there to stop the questions from other people. But in the mirror all the imperfections and ugliness shows." Danny listened intently as Linda spoke. She had been silent for so long that he didn't want to stop her when she finally felt the need to speak out, "I'm so scared, Danny." Linda turned to him. Her eyes full of tears.

Danny set the clothes on the countertop, "It's going to be okay Linda." Danny wrapped his arms around her, "The doctor said that with the surgery you'll be okay. That the survival rate was in, I think she said, the high nineties. You're going to make it through this. And I'm going to be right here. Every step of the way. I promise you."

"But...what if they can't do the reconstruction? What if  _I_ can't do it? Then I'm just left with...nothing." If Linda was thinking clearly she'd have been mad at herself for worrying over something she knew would never happen. But in this moment, in this dark hole she found herself in, it seemed like everything was falling apart. She was grasping for a thread of reassurance from her husband to stop herself from sinking even further.

"Linda. I'm not going anywhere." Danny swore.

"I know. But without a chest. Without a uterus. Without the parts that make me a woman...without looking like a woman should look...how could you still want to...to  _be_ with that?" Linda shook her head. She just couldn't wrap her mind around why Danny would ever look at her with want or need in his eyes. Why he would ever think of her as beautiful without looking like the picture in her mind of how she should always look to him.

Danny listened to the unsaid words of what Linda was getting at, "I love you." He said simply, "I will always want you. I will always want to be with you. I will always want to make love to you." Danny cupped her chin, "The scars on your body have never turned me off. Those are scars that show me just how strong you are. How you fight for your life. For our family. For our children. For us. For me. Two more scars on your body will make no difference to how beautiful you are. It wasn't your chest I fell love with. It was you." Danny slowly kissed Linda's lips, "I will always love you. Every second of every day." Danny whispered softly.

"I love you." Linda wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him close.

Danny felt Linda shiver from the air as her body cooled off, "Let's get you in something warm." Danny pulled back slightly. Linda nodded her head letting Danny hand her clothes to put on. 

Once the two of them were dressed Danny tossed the wet clothes in the hamper making a note to do laundry that night. Linda was sitting on their bed brushing through her hair when he walked out of the bathroom after cleaning up, "Dad's making dinner for everyone." Danny said, "Jamie and Margaret dropped by last minute. Sean is staying with Lucy so we have the kids, and Kathleen is staying here overnight with the kids in lieu of protective detail sitting on the house until Jack gets home." 

Linda took a deep breath, "Okay." She put on a brave face.

"You don't have to come downstairs. I told Jamie and Margaret you weren't feeling the best. I didn't say what was wrong. I just said you weren't feeling well and were resting." Danny sat behind her taking the brush from her hands. He methodically pulled it through her blonde hair.

"I should at least join for dinner. The kids haven't really seen me today and I should say hello to everyone." Linda said.

"Babe you don't have to." Danny slid his arms around her shoulders from behind.

Linda wrapped her hands around his forearms, "I know. But I should." She insisted.

"Jamie and Margaret have some news they want to share tonight." Danny told her, "I'm not sure what it is though."

Linda sighed heavily, "I bet she's pregnant." Linda guessed, "Since they've been trying and everything. I bet that's the news." 

"Are you going to be okay if that's what they say at the table?" Danny asked.

"Yeah." Linda nodded her head, "If they are..." She took a deep shaky breath, "I'm happy for them. They'd be so blessed with more children." 

"You really don't have to do this." Danny reminded her.

"I know." Linda knew she could hide away upstairs. No one would say anything to Danny about why she wasn't joining them. But she couldn't do that. She couldn't stay in bed forever. She had to face the world at some point. Starting small with a family dinner seemed like a good place to begin.


	13. Chapter 13

That night Linda didn't eat much for dinner. Danny kept one arm around the back of her chair. Every so often rubbing her back, kissing her cheek, squeezing her shoulder. So much so that Frank noticed Danny's amplified affection towards his wife. Jack surprised everyone when he walked in the door. They had tracked down the man from the security camera but without footage of him actually going after Kathleen they couldn't pick him up on any charges. They could have brought him in for questioning but doing so might tip him off that the police were looking at him. Detective's Benson and Stabler were tasked with watching him overnight to follow him and see what they could find. Jack and Detective Ingalls would take the stakeout tomorrow night if nothing turned up tonight or during the day tomorrow. Though he wasn't working the stakeout, Jack, much like his father was headed back to the precinct after only a few hours at home to dig into the case as much as possible. After all, it being his first big case, and it touching his family, he needed to give it as much of him as possible. Lucy and Sean joined the family dinner via the same speakerphone Frank used when Linda and Danny were in the hospital after Linda was shot.

"How's the case going Jack?" Jamie asked.

"If we could get this guy doing something we could collar him for, it would be a lot better." Jack sighed.

"Did the sketch help?" Kathleen asked him.

"Yeah. It did." Jack smiled at her, "We were able to match it to the video of the guy at the bar but since it cuts out after he leaves the bar, after you. We can't say it was him in the alley." Jack frowned.

"What about with the murders?" Kathleen asked.

"We can't link him to any of them." Jack shook his head, "If this guy is the guy, he's good at covering his tracks."

"It's a good thing they've got a good Detective on the case." Danny complimented his son.

"Thanks, Dad." Jack smiled.

"I hear this is a joint effort with another precinct?" Frank asked.

"Yeah. SVU from the 55th. Detective's Benson and Stabler." Jack said, "They're good at what they do. They think this is the same guy from a cold case of theirs. Never had a suspect to look for. Just bodies and dead ends but it's the same M.O. and everything. Just a gap between their last murder and our first." Jack explained.

"Maybe that's how you find this guy." Sean's suggested, "See what happened during those years between murders for him. If he was in prison or something it would explain why there was such a long period of time between murders."

"That's a good idea, Sean." Jamie nodded his head.

"He wasn't locked up. We checked that already." Jack sighed.

"Hospital records? Maybe he was admitted for something for a few years? Psychiatric hospital? Rehab?" Margaret threw out a few more suggestions.

"Check with the public defenders around too." Lucy said, "They might have seen this guy passing through at some point."

Jack nodded his head, "Oh my God. That's where he was." He said slowly. Jack kissed his wife's cheek, "I have to go." 

"Wait, wait!" Jamie said to his nephew, "While everyone is here we wanted to say something."

Jack sat back down in his seat, "What's up, Uncle Jamie?"

"I'm pregnant." Margaret smiled with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Oh my God!" Lucy shouted over the speaker.

"Congratulations! I'd get up and hug you but I'm currently stuck here." She gestured to Elijah who was nursing in her arms.

"That's great news!" Frank said.

"Another baby!" Grace squealed.

"That's so cute!" Faith bounced up and down.

"I wike babieth!" Sam grinned.

"Congratulations you guys." Danny pulled Linda slightly closer. 

"Congrats Uncle Jamie, and Aunt Margaret!" Sean said over the phone.

"That was definitely worth sticking around for. That's awesome!" Jack said to his aunt and uncle.

"I'm really happy for you two." Linda held back the tears in her eyes. She  _was_ happy for them but it was bittersweet.

"Linda. Are you alright?" Frank asked the question on everyone's mind.

Linda looked at Danny not knowing what to say. Danny kissed her forehead softly before turning to the youngest at the table, "Grace, Faith, and Sam, why don't you go finish your plates with the other kids?" He half-told, half-suggested.

"Why?" Faith asked.

Grace took her plate and Sam's, "Because we're being kicked out of the adult table so they can have an adult conversation."

"But we're the big kids." Faith whined.

"I don't think we're big enough yet." Grace rolled her eyes as she led her siblings to the other table with Charlie, Ava, and Emma.

"I really am so happy for you two, I don't mean to ruin your news." Linda shook her head, "And Sean and Lucy, I'm sorry to do this over the phone." Linda closed her eyes for a moment, "I uh..." She tried to speak but the words wouldn't come out of her mouth.

"Mom?" Jack couldn't recall a time his mother looked so scared, save for the time they thought their father was going to die and she had them all say their last goodbyes just in case.

"We have nine months to celebrate a baby. What's going on?" Margaret said.

"I had a doctors appointment. I uh..I..." Linda felt Danny take her hand in his, "I can't." Linda said to Danny, her voice barely above a whisper.

Danny looked into Linda's eyes before nodding his head. She needed him to say it. She needed him to break the news, "Linda has breast cancer."

"Oh God no." Frank gasped.

"What?!" Sean yelled through the phone.

"Oh, Linda." Margaret put her hand over her heart.

Jack suddenly found himself speechless.

"It's very early. We caught it early. It's stage zero." Danny explained.

"It's called Ductal Carcinoma In Situ with Paget Disease. Which is another type of cancer." Linda couldn't look at her family. She wasn't that strong.

"You can have more than one type of cancer?" Jack asked.

"DCIS and Paget Disease are both cancers involving the breast, surrounding tissue and nipple area." Margaret said.

"Does this mean you need chemo?" Sean asked his mother.

"What about radiation?" Jack wondered.

"Isn't it the same thing?" Sean asked his big brother. He wished he was there. He needed to be with his wife but he felt as if he needed to see his mother too.

"Are you going to die?" Grace asked from her spot in the corner of the room.

"Grace. I told you to go to the other room." Danny frowned.

"Sam forgot his cup." Grace held it up, "Mommy. Are you going to die?" Grace's bottom lip quivered.

Linda stood up from her chair, walking over to Grace, "No baby." She crouched down to meet Grace at eye level, "They are going to do a surgery. It's called a mastectomy. That means they will surgically take both of my breasts off my body. So I'll have a flat chest." Linda tried to explain so Grace would understand.

"And you won't die?" Grace sniffled.

"If I do the surgery, I have a really good chance at living for a long, long, long time. So good it's almost one hundred percent." Linda hugged her daughter, "I'm going to be okay. I might not feel good for a little while but I'll be okay." Linda cried while she held Grace tight.

"You promise you won't die?" Grace cried.

"I'm not going to die, baby." Linda said softly.

Jack jumped when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored the call only to have the person call back. Jack excused himself from the table to take the call in the kitchen. It must be important for someone to call three times in a row. Jack frowned hearing Detective Stabler tell him they found another body. Jack walked back into the dining room where Grace was now sitting on their mother's lap curled up with their father beside them.

"There's been another murder." Jack said heavily.

"Go to work." Linda nodded her head, "It's okay. We'll all sit down and talk more when we are all together." Jack hugged his wife tight before walking to the head of the table, "I love you, Mom." Jack held back his own tears. He was scared she was keeping more to herself about the diagnosis so as not to hurt her family.

"I love you too. Now go to work. Catch this guy before he hurts someone else. And come home safe." Linda hugged Jack fiercely.

"I will." Jack nodded his head. He kissed his little sister's cheek, "Mommy's going to be okay." Grace nodded her head slowly. Jack kissed his wife one last time before rushing out of the house praying he could catch this guy before it was too late for one more family.


	14. Chapter 14

Later that night after putting Spense and Gus to bed Linda walked out of Spense's bedroom. She walked past Sam's bedroom with a smile. Danny was in his room reading Sam, and Charlie a story. Grace and Faith were sharing their room tonight with Ava, Emma, and Maddie. All five girls were on the floor in sleeping bags so they could 'camp out'. Linda poked her head in the girl's room, "Lights out." She smiled.

"Five more minutes?" Faith asked.

"Please Grandma?" Ava looked up at her grandmother.

"We'll be super duper quiet." Maddie said.

Linda laughed softly, "Okay. Five more minutes. Where's Grace?" She looked around the room not seeing her oldest daughter in the room.

"She went to the bathroom." Faith said.

"Okay. Five more minutes then lights out." Linda smiled, "Love you, girls."

"Love you!" They all shouted back as Linda shut the door behind her. She walked over to the bathroom frowning when Grace wasn't in there. Linda checked in hers and Danny's bedroom wondering if Grace was looking for them in there. Linda didn't see Grace there either. She turned back to the hall, bumping into Danny.

"Hey, you." Danny kissed his wife.

"Have you seen Grace?" Linda asked.

"She's not in her room with the girls?" Danny asked.

"No. And I checked our room and the bathroom. She's not up here." Linda said.

"What about with Kathleen and the boys?" Danny wondered if Grace went searching for an adult and found Kathleen first.

"Kathleen hasn't seen her since she put Maddie and Gus to bed." Linda sighed, "And I even texted Frank to see if he'd seen her and he hasn't either."

"Let's look downstairs before we worry." Danny rubbed Linda's arm. The two made their way down the stairs keeping their eyes open for Grace.

"Grace?" Linda called out.

"Ladybug?" Danny went to the living room while Linda went towards the playroom. Danny was the one to find Grace first. She was sitting on the couch with her tablet in her hands, "Grace. What are you doing?!" Danny yelled not meaning to.

"Daddy!" Grace jumped not knowing her father was looking for her, "I was just..." Grace flipped her tablet so the screen was down.

"Linda! Found her!" Danny shouted. He walked around the couch towards Grace, "What are you doing on that?"

"Nothing." Grace said quickly.

"Grace." Danny said sternly, "What are you doing on your tablet?"

"Nothing Daddy." Grace looked down. She was clearly hiding something.

"Grace Mary-Elizabeth Reagan." Danny cleared his throat, "You can either tell me what you are doing on your tablet or I can take your tablet and look for myself." Grace bit her bottom lip. She didn't want to get in trouble. She was sure either option was a bad one. She just had to figure out which wouldn't land her in too much hot water. Danny waited for a few moments letting Grace figure out what she was going to do. When she didn't move or speak Danny reached over to take her tablet. He flipped it over to unlock it. He thought he was prepared to see what she was doing on it. He wrongly assumed she was playing a game or messaging a friend. Danny lost the words he was going say when he saw a Google search for breast cancer. Danny looked up when he heard Linda enter the living room, "Oh Ladybug." Danny sighed.

"Grace, why aren't you in bed?" Linda asked.

Grace looked over her shoulder at her mother, "I'm sorry." She started to get upset, "I just wanted to know more and I didn't want to make Mommy sad. And I didn't want to be nosey or anything. So I thought if I looked online I could find it. And I know I should be in bed but I was thinking about it a lot. I'm sorry Mommy. I'm sorry Daddy. I just don't want Mommy to die." Grace started to cry. Linda didn't hesitate a second to sit next to Grace, wrapping her in a tight hug.

"What are you talking about, Sweetheart? What did you look up?" Linda asked. Danny showed Linda the screen on the tablet, "Oh Baby." Linda kissed the top of Grace's head, "You can always ask me or Daddy questions. Always. No matter what." Linda tightened her arms around Grace.

"But you were sad before and I didn't want to make you more sad." Grace cried.

"You can always talk to me and Daddy." Linda rubbed Grace's back. She held her own tears back as her daughter cried in her arms, "No matter what it's about." Danny wrapped his arms around both Grace and Linda, holding his girls close, "Grace, we love you. There's nothing you can't talk to us about. I promise."

Grace nodded her head, "Do you promise you won't die?" 

"I'm going to get the surgery and it's going to make me better." Linda said unsure of how to explain breast cancer to an eleven-year-old little girl who was just starting her path to developing into a woman.

"But then you won't have breasts anymore." Grace pulled away from her parents, "Do they grow back or something?" Grace wondered, "And will you lose your hair too? And will you be in the hospital forever? And does it mean I'm going to get it too? What about Faith? She's a girl too. And there's a lot of, I think they said stages, and stuff? And do you have to go through all the stages first? How long do you have it? Will you have it forever? How did you find out you had it?" Grace asked questions rapidly one after the other.

"Let's start with one thing at a time." Danny rubbed small circles on Grace's back.

"I'll do the best I can to explain it to you." Linda promised, "I found out I had it because I noticed a lump on one of my breasts. When you get bigger breasts you need to start doing what's called a breast exam once a month. You feel around your breast to see if you feel anything strange like a bump or a lump or see a rash or anything that isn't normal. But normal for one woman can be different than what's normal for another woman. That's why it's really important to know your own body. That's why we keep track of when you get your period. So we can make sure you get it on a regular schedule for you." Linda explained, "So I noticed the lump and knew it wasn't normal so I went to the doctor. The doctor looked at my chest and felt the lump, then I had to get a test called a mammogram. The mammogram is like an x-ray of the breast. They also did a test called a biopsy. The biopsy they did is called a core needle biopsy. The made a small cut in my breast to stick a needle in it. Then they took some cells from the lump and sent it to the lab to be tested. They also did another biopsy called a shave biopsy on my nipple because they wanted to check another type of disease." Linda took a deep breath. She didn't realize how hard this would be to go through step-by-step with her daughter, "Then they called me and I had to go back to the doctor. Daddy came with me because I was scared."

"You were scared?" Grace asked. She didn't think her mother was scared of anything.

"Yeah." Linda nodded her head, "But Daddy held my hand so I knew it was going to be okay." Linda smiled at Danny. She looked back at Grace, "Do you have any questions so far?"

"What happened at the doctors visit?" She asked.

"Well, we listened to the test results and the doctor said I have breast cancer. It's called Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. Which is a really long name. So they call it DCIS for short. But it's also called Stage zero breast cancer. There are a few stages. Stage zero is the lowest stage. The lower the number the better it is. Like when you have a low fever. It's not as bad as a high fever." Linda tried to relate what she was talking about to something Grace would understand, "They found out I have something called Paget Disease on both of my breasts. That's also another type of cancer."

"So you have two cancers?" Grace asked.

Linda nodded her head, "Yeah. But it's okay. Because we talked to the doctor. They are going to do a surgery. The mastectomy surgery. The surgeon will carefully remove my breasts from my chest. They will take both of them and all of the skin on them. This will make sure all of the cancer is gone too."

"But how do you get them back?" Grace wondered, "Do you have to grow them again?"

"No. It will leave me with a flat chest. I'll have two scars where they made the cut to remove my breasts." Linda explained, "But after a few weeks when I'm ready, I'll have another surgery. It's called a reconstruction. They will make new breasts and put something called, implants, in my chest to make it look like I have breasts. They won't be real like the ones I developed when I was your age. But they will look and feel like real ones. There will still be scars from the mastectomy but no one will know unless I tell them or show them."

"Who will see it?" Grace asked her Mom.

"Just the doctors. And Daddy. But that's because Daddy and I are married." Linda said, "And the only people who will know will be family because it's not something anyone else needs to know about unless I'm comfortable telling them."

"And then you'll be okay?" Grace rubbed her eyes.

"I'll be okay." Linda promised, "I'm going to be just fine."

"Are you still scared?" Grace asked.

Linda nodded her head. She didn't want to lie to Grace, "Yes. I'm still scared. But I have our family for support. And I have Daddy to help me not feel so scared. He's good at that."

"Daddy." Grace looked at him, "Are you scared?"

"Yeah. I want Mommy to be healthy. It's scary to think about her being so sick. I love Mommy, very much." Danny said honestly.

"You won't look like you anymore." Grace frowned, "Without breasts. You won't look like you do now."

"I know. But it won't be for long and once I get the implants I'll have breasts again." Linda explained.

"Does this mean I'll get it?" Grace asked.

"No." Linda answered, "Because you're adopted, you won't get it. But Faith could or even Sam or Jack or Sean. And their kids could get it. It's something that can be passed down from a parent to a child if the child is biologically related to the parent."

"So because I'm adopted I can't get it from you?" Grace wanted to clarify.

"Right. But even if Faith or one of the boys get it, they will be prepared to deal with it after they see me go through the surgery." Linda said.

"Boys can get breast cancer too?" Grace was shocked, "But they don't have breasts."

"They still have breasts. They are just flat chests. But like, the cancer I have on my nipples, men still have nipples and breast tissue. It's rarer for men but they can still get it." Linda explained.

"Oh." Grace bit her lip. She looked from her Mom to her Dad. She still had so many questions in her mind.

"What is it Ladybug?" Danny gently pressed her to talk.

"How long will you have to be in the hospital?" Grace asked her Mom.

"For the surgery, I'll be in the hospital for a few days. Then I'll go back to get checked out. And I'll be in for a few days again when they do the reconstruction surgery." Linda answered.

"Are you...still going to be able to do stuff with us?" Grace wondered if this meant her Mom would always be sick or not feel well.

"Once I'm all better and healed from the surgery, everything will go back to normal. I'll be able to play and run around with you guys at the park or go for walks together. And while I'm still healing we can still watch movies and play board games. I might be tired but I'll be okay. I promise." Linda hugged Grace tight.

"Okay." Grace hugged her mother tight.

Danny gave them a few moments before rubbing Grace's back, "Okay Ladybug. Why don't you go on upstairs? Mommy and I will be up in a few minutes to tuck you girls in."

"Okay, Daddy." Grace hugged him before getting up from the couch. She walked up the stairs with her mind full as she tried to think about everything her parents had told her.

Linda clasped her hands together resting her chin on them. She sighed heavily, "What's wrong?" Danny scooted closer to his wife.

"She's only eleven." Linda shook her head, "She shouldn't have to deal with this at such a young age."

"She's worried about you." Danny put his arm around Linda.

"She's a child." Linda said, "I hate this. I hate everything about this." Linda closed her eyes tight, willing herself not to cry.

"I'm sorry Baby." Danny pulled her close, "I wish I could do more for you."

"What you're doing. Being here. Loving me. Taking care of me. That's all I need." Linda said, "I don't know how I would have made it through the last day without you." She clung to her husband. Linda took a deep breath, "We should tuck the girls in. It's been a long day for all of us."

Danny nodded his head in agreement, "I'll lock up and meet you upstairs." He kissed Linda's cheek before leaving to triple check the locks and alarm for the house. With his children, wife, and grandchildren in the house, Danny wasn't taking any chances. The house would be as secure as he could make it. He even set up two patrol units to keep their eyes on the house and circle around the neighborhood all night just in case something happened. He had no idea that the latest victim would hit close to home for Linda adding to her stress, anxiety, and worry.


	15. Chapter 15

The following morning Danny stayed home to get the kids off to school and daycare. Linda took a few days off work at the insistence of Danny, Dr. Bennett, Dr. Newfeld, and even Frank had commented on how Linda staying home for a few days might help her feel better when she returned to work.

Linda was sipping a cup of coffee when Jack walked in the front door, "Mom!?" Jack called out.

"Kitchen!" Linda yelled. Danny looked up from the newspaper he was reading not knowing what Jack was dropping by for.

Jack walked into the kitchen followed by Detective Ingalls, Detective Stabler, and Detective Benson, "Do you have a minute?" Jack asked her.

"Sure. Is everything okay?" Linda asked.

"Yeah. Sort-of." Jack sighed.

"Mrs. Reagan, do you know someone named, Jane Morris?" Detective Benson asked.

"She's one of the nurses I just hired." Linda said, "She's been working in the ED for about a month now."

Danny set the paper down, his full attention on what the four Detectives in the room were saying, "Do you know much about her?" Detective Stabler spoke.

"Not really. Why?" Linda asked, "What happened?"

"She was killed last night." Jack broke the news, "That's who I was called away from the table for."

"Let me get my laptop. I can log into work remotely and pull up her personnel file." Linda stood to climb the stairs to the bedroom.

"I got it." Danny put a hand on her arm. He stepped out of the room to get Linda's laptop while she talked to the Detectives.

"Was she married?" Detective Benson asked.

Linda shook her head, "No. She was single. If I recall correctly her next of kin is her brother. Why? Does that matter for the investigation?"

"The guy we think did it is going after married women. This would be the first unmarried woman he's killed so far." Jack explained.

"Also he kills women that specifically look alike. But Jane Morris doesn't fit that description." Detective Benson said, "But he killed the same way. We aren't sure what changed or why. Serial killers don't generally change their pattern like that."

"Something must have happened to make him snap like that." Danny entered the room with Linda's laptop already booted up. He put it on the table in front of his wife.

"Let's see." Linda typed into the remote access she had to the hospital, "Here it is. Her next of kin is Jeffory Proust. He works as a security guard for a company called, Wolf Star Security. She's not married. It's her brother." Linda wrote down his name, address and phone number for the Detectives, "Is there anything else I can help with?" Linda asked.

"No. I think we're good." Jack took the paper.

"Thank you, Mrs. Reagan." Detective Benson smiled politely.

"Of course." Linda nodded her head.

Jack looked around for a moment, "Guys can I have a minute?" He asked the Detectives. The three nodded their heads and left the room after saying bye to Danny as well. Jack hugged his Mom tight. He realized that at some point in his adult life he'd stopped hugging his mother. He wasn't' sure when it happened but he tried to think about it. And he definitely didn't hug his parents half as much as he used to. Knowing his mom was sick, Jack vowed to change that. He was going to be twenty-nine in just a few short days but he wasn't going to let another moment go by without hugging his mother, "Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime Jack." Linda could feel the shift in her son. She wasn't sure why he so suddenly had the urge to hug her but she wasn't going to deny his need for contact.

"I love you." Jack said.

"I love you too. Now go back to work. Catch this guy and come home safe to your wife and kids." Linda kissed her son on the cheek.

"Be careful, Jack." Danny patted his oldest child's shoulder.

"I will." Jack nodded his head before taking off with the paper containing Jeffory's address in his hands.

* * *

"NYPD!" Jack shouted as he banged on the door. There was a loud shuffling behind the door, "NYPD! OPEN UP!" Jack shouted. He shook his head, "JEFFORY PROUST! NYPD!" Jack looked over at Detective Ingalls, "This guy isn't going to open the door." Jack sighed.

"JEFFORY PROUST! WE NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR SISTER! JANE!" Detective Ingalls banged on the door.

The hair on the back of Jack's neck stood up just as the glass behind him shattered into a million pieces. Jack pulled his weapon, firing back at the man who was shooting from inside the house. Detective Stabler moved to the left from his position to cover Jack so he could get off the porch while Detective Benson and Ingalls took cover on the other side. Jack barely missed a bullet flying by him. He grabbed his walkie-talkie from the back of his belt, "Dispatch, this is Detective Reagan. 10-13. Shots fired at my location. I repeat shots fired."

"We copy Detective Reagan. Sending additional units." The dispatcher said.

"Requesting ESU assist." Jack radioed back.

"ESU en route." The dispatcher replied.

Jack watched as if it was slow motion as a grenade was tossed out the broken window, "Get down!" Jack yelled as he and Detective Stabler jumped off the porch ducking for cover. The explosion behind him was deafening, leaving all four detectives stunned. Jack looked up just in time to see a man run to his car in the driveway. Jack stood with his gun held carefully. He fired off his gun, quickly making his way through every bullet he had only to watch the back window shatter and the car continued driving away. Jack shook his head. The man got away from them. Jack holstered his weapon, "Everyone alright?!" He shouted.

"Good!" 

"I'm okay!"

"Fine!" Three voices yelled back at him.

"Let's see what this bastard was hiding." Jack stepped through the hole in the front of the house that had been blasted through. He was sure this was the murderer. He wasn't sure why there was a gap between murders but he knew he'd find the answer. Whatever this psycho's reason for killing women, Jack was going to make sure there was no way he got away with the horrific crimes he committed nor was he going to get away with trying to go after Jack's wife. If there was one thing the Reagan family protected the most. It was their family.


	16. Chapter 16

Danny continued to hit the punching bag in the basement. Linda had dozed off on the couch earlier that morning. Danny figured it was a side effect of the emotional highs and lows she'd been experiencing over the last forty-eight hours. He knew she was having trouble sleeping since their visit at the doctor's office. When he found her on the couch, asleep and the TV still on, Danny's heart softened. He turned off the TV and covered his wife with the light throw on the back of the couch. It was the beginning of July but Linda was always cold when she slept. He left her sleeping on the couch with a kiss to her head before heading to the basement to work out his own emotions. Danny swung at the bag hitting it as hard as he could. It wasn't fair. Linda didn't deserve this. After everything, she'd been through. It wasn't fair. She was sweet, loving, kind. Cancer was a horrible monster that took hold of his wife. He couldn't do anything to make this go away. He couldn't protect her. He couldn't save her. Danny landed punch after punch on the bag. He couldn't lose her. She had to be okay. How was he going to raise their four youngest children without her? Spense was only two-and-a-half years old. He needed his Mommy to be there for him. Thoughts of having to plan a funeral for his wife entered his mind only serving as a reason to beat the punching bag. Danny violently hit the punching bag over and over until he was out of breath. His anger, fear, shame, all being punched out. He didn't want to burden Linda with any more than she already had to deal with. There was so much on her shoulders he didn't want to add to it. The stress and high emotions she was already experiencing were more than anyone should have to handle. She didn't need to worry about Danny too. Danny had no idea that not talking was leading Linda to worry even more about Danny and how he was handling things. Danny only paused when his phone rang twice.

"Reagan." Danny answered without looking, "What?...Yeah...I'll be there in a little while...After one....Thanks." Danny ended the phone call with one of his Detectives. He tossed his gloves in the corner and headed up the stairs. Danny walked into the living room only to find Linda must have woken up. The throw blanket was neatly folded on the back of the couch and she wasn't downstairs. Danny took the steps two at a time to get up to his and Linda's bedroom. When he walked in he saw Linda standing in their closet. 

Linda had woken up from her short nap on the couch while Danny was busy boxing. She had started to walk down the basement steps to sit with Danny but when she saw how mad he was, how hard he was punching the bag, Linda walked back up the stairs not wanting to disturb him. It seemed like he needed some time to get whatever was bothering him out. She went up to her room to grab her laptop when the open closet door stopped her. Linda stared inside the closet looking at all her clothes. She didn't know what she was going to do. Even after she had the reconstruction surgery, she was sure she'd look different. Would her blouses still fit properly? Would those special dresses that showed off her chest just enough to get a rise out of Danny when they went out, also show the scars? Would she even be comfortable showing off a little cleavage anymore? Linda didn't hear Danny walk into the bedroom behind her. She jumped when she felt Danny put his hands on her hips from behind, "Danny!" Linda gasped.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Danny tried to hide the smirk on his face.

"God!" Linda huffed, "I didn't even hear you walk in."

"You okay?" Danny slithered his arms around her waist pulling her against him.

"Yeah. I was just thinking." Linda let her head roll back on his shoulder.

Danny pressed a kiss to her neck, "Thinking about what?" 

"Just clothes and how they will fit after everything." Linda told him, "How was boxing? You were hitting that thing pretty hard. And you  _really_ need a shower." Linda teased.

"Oh, I need a shower?" Danny purposely tightened his grip on his wife.

"Yes. You're all sweaty." Linda giggled.

Danny smiled wide. He felt like it had been far too long without Linda's laugh in his ears, "You think _I'm_ sweaty?" Danny slipped one hand down the front of Linda's pants. His fingers dipped into her panties following the well-known path to her core, "Let's see just how sweaty I can get you." Danny rolled the small nub between his fingers catching Linda off-guard.

"Danny." Linda said in shock. She didn't expect Danny to so smoothly slid his hands down her pants.

"Mmmhmmm." Danny mumbled while his lips kissed her neck, covering every inch. Danny kissed his way up the side of Linda's jaw to her cheek when the taste of her tears made him stop dead in his tracks. He withdrew his hand from slowly teasing her, putting it on her hip where she could see both of his hands. Danny spun his wife in his arms wondering what the Hell happened to make her cry, "Are you okay?" He couldn't hide the fear or worry from his voice much less his eyes as he looked at Linda who had her's shut tight and her fists clenched, "Linda. Baby, why are you crying? Did I hurt you?"

"No. God no." Linda shook her head but kept her eyes shut. She took a few deep breaths before wiping her tears away. They were few and far between but even one was too much for Danny to ignore. Linda opened her eyes, "I'm sorry." Linda apologized, "I just...I got scared for a second." She said trying to make sense of everything in her mind.

"Scared of me?" Danny tried to understand what Linda meant.

"Not scared like that. It wasn't you that scared me. I just got scared. What if this is the last time?" Linda asked him.

Danny wasn't sure he was fully understanding what she was talking about, "The last time for what? The last time we have sex?" 

"Yeah." Linda nodded her head, "What if I die on the operating table? Or what if the scars are so bad it's too hard to make love? What if when I go for the reconstruction I die on the table, then? What if the fake breasts are just  _too_ fake and it's not the same or we can't do it? What if something happens and I can't even get the reconstruction surgery done and I never have breasts again and we never have sex again?"

"Oh, Babe." Danny's expression softened from one of worry to one of helplessness and compassion, "This is not the last time we make love. This is not even the last time I will have sex with you before the surgery. I love you. Fake breasts, real breasts, no breasts, small breasts, big breasts. I like your breasts here or there, I like your breasts anywhere." Danny tried to lighten the mood with a small joke.

"I'm being serious Danny!" Linda grumbled, "What if I die?" 

"Okay. First of all, that's not going to happen. This is not going to kill you. The cancer will be gone after the surgery and you're not going to die on the operating table in either surgery. And if you can't get a reconstruction done and you never have breasts again I'll still want to make love to my amazingly beautiful, sexy wife. The size or shape of your breasts or even if you don't have them at all, doesn't make me not want to shower you with love and adoration. I love you. You are more than just a pair of breasts. And while, yes, they are physically appealing, there are so many more spots on your body that I find aesthetically pleasing. Like right here." Danny pulled the collar of her shirt down to reveal the Thin Blue Line heart tattoo she had on the front of her shoulder just above her chest, "And here." One of Danny's hands moved to her back where his name and badge were inked into her skin. Danny cupped her ass, "Here is my favorite place to look when you're in front of me." Danny moved his hand to her face to hold it gently, "Here. You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I think God every day that I get to look into them." Danny kissed his wife softly, "Here." He smiled, "But most of all, here." Danny flattened his palm on her chest above her heart, "Everything about you is sexy and gorgeous. I want to make love to you because I love you."

Linda nodded her head, "I'm sorry." She shook her head, "I didn't think it was going to be so hard." Linda said meekly.

"Don't be sorry. This is scary and confusing and I know how I feel and you must be feeling ten times more than me right now." Danny said to her.

"But a marriage is supposed to be fifty-fifty. I'm not supposed to drop and lean on you all the time and you're not supposed to give in to me. I can't just cry and get what I want. That just sets us up for resentment and a fight down the road." Linda repeated what they were working on in therapy.

"Our marriage is fifty-fifty almost all the time. But I don't think Dr. Bennett would disagree with me when I say that for the moment, it's okay for this to be eighty-twenty. Because that's love. And some days the person you love is struggling so you pick up that thirty that they can't carry. Because you love them. I understand that under normal circumstances, we should be sure neither one of us is taking advantage of the other one. But right now Linda, I'll do whatever you need me to do. Because I love you and I can't imagine how hard this is for you right now. There is nothing in the world that I won't do because I love you. And if I can help off-load just a tiny bit of stress or worry for you right now, I'll do it. I'll do it a thousand times if needed. Just because I love you and I never ever want you to feel like this isn't my choice to pick up the eighty right now. Because it  _is_ my choice. And I don't regret it." Danny told her honestly.

Linda nodded her head, "I love you too." She wrapped her arms around his neck, "I love you so much." Linda kissed his lips.

Danny hugged his wife close. He prayed that she'd find her way through the darkness that seemed to consume her lately, "Why don't we have a date night this week?" Danny suggested, "We can get the kids to bed. Maybe send them to Jack's or Jamie's for the night. Or sneak off to a hotel for the weekend. Your birthday is coming up next week. We could celebrate early." 

"I know. The doctor called earlier. That's what woke me up." Linda said softly.

"What did they say?" Danny asked. He also wanted to know why Linda didn't tell him this before but he held the question in his mind for now.

"They want to do the surgery next week. Two days after my birthday." Linda told him, "I told them I'd call them back but I was pretty sure that would be fine"

"We can celebrate your birthday early." Danny said. Danny watched as Linda's eyes fell to the floor, "There's something else. Linda, talk to me. Whatever it is. We'll figure it out together."

"This means that I won't have breasts for our anniversary." Linda said, "The recovery period is about three to six weeks. Three weeks put us at the week of our anniversary and six puts us at the very beginning of September." Linda took a deep shaky breath, "It's our thirtieth anniversary. And I might not even be able to go out and if I do I'll have scars. Big scars. And-and have to use a temporary prosthesis or something to look like I have breasts." Linda shook her head, "It's going to be our thirtieth wedding anniversary and I don't even know if I'll get out of the house. Hell, I don't even know if I'll make it out of bed."

Danny cupped Linda's face in his hands before firmly planting his lips on hers. He kissed her slowly and sweetly pouring his heart into his kiss. When he pulled back Linda was momentarily stunned. As if she was trying to figure out a reason he would kiss her like that, "I can't think of any better way to celebrate thirty years of being married to the love of my life than being at her side while she recovers from a surgery that saved her life. Whether that's in our bed or out of the house. I don't care where we are or what we do. As long as I spend it with you beside me." Danny started to get emotional, "As long as I have you next to me. I can touch you and love you. I can kiss you and I can hold you. I can feel you breathing beside me. I can feel your heartbeat. As long as you're there." Danny paused to compose himself, "Linda." His voice wavered, "I don't care what we do or don't do. I don't care if it sounds selfish. But all I want or need is you beside me. That's it. Just you. So we schedule the surgery. As soon as they can get you in because you need to be healthy. That's the most important thing in the world. And in August if you cant get out of bed then I will happily join in with you." Danny hugged her tight, "We can take a long weekend whenever you want and have a belated celebratory trip. But as far as that day. I just want you. That's all I ever need."

Linda nodded her head. She pulled Danny as close as possible kissing him sweetly. No matter what, she never had to worry about Danny's love for her fading. Even now when she thought all hope was lost, there he was with a light guiding her out of the hole she'd fallen into. And with his continued love and support, Linda was sure she'd make it through. She prayed that she'd never find herself without her husband. She had no idea how she would survive that loss. Linda felt Danny back her up the door of the closet. He lifted her off the ground, Linda's legs automatically wrapping around his waist to pull him closer. She could never live without this. Without his love. Without him. She wasn't going to give up. He needed her as much as she needed him. No matter how hard things were about to get for her, Linda vowed to fight with everything in her soul. She couldn't let herself give up. She needed to stand up and fight. If not for herself, for her husband, who clearly was terrified of losing her. Danny showed his fear not only in his endless words of love towards her but in the care he took in every action he made. In the gentleness of his touch and the tears that shined in his eyes that he didn't think Linda noticed. She felt it in his kiss as if he was desperate to show her his love. Linda latched onto Danny not only to keep herself from drowing but to keep him afloat next to her. They both were falling seperatly. It was time to start fighting together to keep their head above the rising water.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

"Anyone got a hit on Jeffory Proust yet? We have to be able to find that car." Jack sighed. TARU had been working diligently trying to search traffic cameras for Jeffory Proust's car while Jack, the team of Detectives, and CSU worked through the house.

"Not yet, Sir." The TARU officer told him.

"Alright. Keep looking." Jack frowned. He walked towards the back bedroom where Detective Stabler was searching.

"Check this out." Stabler waived Jack over. He pointed to a slew of wedding photos. Photos of Jeffory with an unknown woman. In a small trinket dish with a set of wedding rings in the center.

"He's married?" Jack asked.

"Nope. Not anymore. Divorced. His wife left him. Then she unexpectedly died. Two months after filing for divorce. I've got some of my guys digging up her family to talk to." Detective Stabler said, "TARU come up with anything on the car?"

"Not yet." Jack frowned, "There's a lot of weaponry in the hall closet. Must be where he was when he started firing. By talking to the neighbors, he's a nice guy. Helps out his elderly neighbor with driving her to the store and around town. No one ever thought he was capable of something like this until he started spraying bullets. Everyone in the area said they felt safer with him living here because he was always such a great guy." Jack reported.

"Yeah. Great guy who rapes and kills women." Detective Stabler rolled his eyes.

"You know she matches the victims. That's why he goes after them. Tall, long blonde hair, slender. She looks like she's in her late twenties maybe early thirties by these pictures. She probably cheated on him or left him for another man. That's why he goes after married women." Jack thought out loud.

"But why not just women he knows are cheating?" Detective Stabler said as he looked through a journal he'd found.

"You know, Kathleen said this guy was flirty. Trying to buy her a drink, moving closer to her at the bar. Maybe that's his thing. He flirts to see what women react and goes after the woman he finds he gets a reaction from. Kathleen was just being polite but she responded to him. She was alone, at a bar. Maybe he assumes any woman not with her husband is somehow cheating?" Jack took a closer look at the pictures, "Maybe that's how she met the man she cheated on Proust with. At a bar?" 

"Reagan! We have something!" An offer shouted from the other room. Detective Stabler followed Jack out of the back bedroom.

"What do we have?" Jack asked.

"Proust's vehicle was spotted as it headed into the Queens-MIdtown Tunnel." The officer told Jack and the other detectives.

"What's he going to Queens for?" Jack wondered.

"This." Detective Benson showed Jack an email from her unit, "His ex-wife was buried in Flushing Cemetary. Looks like she's got an older sister that still lives out that way."

"Let's go." Jack didn't wait for anyone to respond before the four of them rushed out of the house.

* * *

Lucy Reagan sat in her hospital bed bored out of her mind. Sean had to work, the kids were in school, and she was stuck here. In bed and not allowed to move. There wasn't even anything good on TV to watch. Old sitcoms and soap operas. That's why when someone knocked on her hospital door she jumped slightly.

"Linda, hey!" Lucy smiled wide seeing her mother-in-law carrying takeout bags.

"Hi, Sweetie. Thought you could use some company." Linda grinned. Danny had left for work and rather than stay home letting her thoughts upset her, Linda decided to get out of the house. Maybe the change and talking to someone about something other than cancer would help her feel better. So here she was with Lucy's favorite salad and cheesecake for dessert.

"Of course! Come on in!" Lucy opened her arms wide ready to hug Linda. It felt like it had been years since she'd seen her mother-in-law. After the shocking news of her cancer diagnosis, Lucy mentioned to Sean about wanting to be able to do whatever she could to help Linda. After all, Linda and Danny had been such a huge help not only through Lucy's pregnancy but through everything from the moment they met her they'd bent over backward to help her and Sean. Lucy refused to stand by and do nothing for her in-laws.

Linda hugged Lucy tight, "It's so good to see you." She rested her hand on Lucy's belly, "And you." Linda sat in the chair next to Lucy's bedside, "How are you doing?" 

"I'm okay. Scared and nervous. They said two more weeks unless something happens. But baby and I are doing okay so it's just careful monitoring and a lot of checking him out." Lucy said.

"Have you two settled on a name yet?" Linda asked. Last she knew Sean and Lucy couldn't find a name they both liked.

"Not a chance. I still really like Caleb. And he's pretty set on Jacob. But we don't like them together. But we finally settled on Scott for the middle name. We just can't decide if we like Caleb Scott Reagan or Jacob Scott Reagan." Lucy told took a bite of her salad, "Oh my God. Real food." She sighed happily.

"J. R. seems to be a pattern for the Reagan family." Linda laughed.

"I'm noticing. Joe, Jamie, Jack, Jo, and Joshua." Lucy giggled, "But by the same token there's already C. R. Charlie. There's a lot of few S. R.'s too. And they are all yours and Danny's. Sean, Sam, and Spense."

"Yeah. I guess they are." Linda said not having thought about it before.

"But I think Caleb is really nice. Caleb Scott. Jacob is good too but I like mine better." Lucy smirked.

"Understandable. I like my names too. But when Jack was born I didn't want him to be Jack. I wanted him to be John. But the second I held him I looked at Danny and said, guess it's going to be Jack. He just didn't look like a John. It wasn't his name. Danny was right all along." Linda said, "Then when we had Sean, Danny and I picked out two names together and didn't tell each other. I picked Sean, he picked Connor. Grace was named before we got her. Well, she had no name because she was given up at birth. The nurses and I wanted to call her something other than  _the baby_ so we called her Grace and it just stuck after Danny and I adopted her. Her middle name is Danny's mother's first and middle name. Then the twins came along and we honored Joe with Sam's middle name. And finally Spense. Danny and I picked them out together but it was so hard to find names we both liked and names that went well with Reagan and names we thought fit each kid." Linda patted Lucy's arm, "You two will figure it out. When you hold that baby in your arms. You'll know whether he's Jacob or Caleb."

"I hope so. He's going to be in the NICU for a long time. I want something other than 'baby boy Reagan' on his crib." Lucy rubbed her belly. She took a deep breath.

"What is it?" Linda asked.

"I just hope I make it two more weeks." She frowned, "I feel so bad about all of this. Sean didn't need this stress to have another kid. The kids hardly see him and they have even less time with me lately. And you and Danny are doing  _so_ much to help out and keep them with you. But..." Lucy stopped herself for a moment.

"But what?" Linda wondered what was bothering her daughter-in-law and how she could help.

"Just with everything  _you_ have going on, it's not really fair of me to ask you to keep my kids while I sit here and do nothing." Lucy said, "It's bad enough that after I have the baby I'm going to stay home and do nothing and just live off my husband. What kind of a person does that make me? I'm not doing anything. I'm not contributing to the household. I'm not doing  _anything_. I'm just wasting Sean's hard earned money by staying home." Lucy sighed, "I feel like I'm taking advantage of him and I don't like that." She sniffled.

"Oh, honey." Linda hugged Lucy close, "Nothing is going on with me right now. The cancer is there but it's causing no additional problems than it did before. And I can still chase after kids like I did before the diagnosis." Linda said, "It's okay. Danny and I want to help. Plus Frank is there to be an extra set of hands should we need it." Linda handed Lucy a tissue, "If you don't want to stay at home, have you talked to Sean about going back to work at some point?" Linda asked.

"Yeah. But who knows when the baby will be out of the hospital and what if anything will be wrong because he will be born so early." Lucy said, "Sean said to wait and see and maybe after the baby turns one I can go back to work but until then we both agree one of us needs to be home fulltime and his job pays better than mine."

"Okay. So even though you aren't bringing in a paycheck, you're still contributing towards the house. You cook and clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, do the shopping, all of that is contributing to the house. Because work or not those things need to be done but by you doing them, Sean doesn't have to. He doesn't have to worry about when the kids get sick at school because you've got them. You handle the appointments and snow days, vacations and holidays. That's how you contribute. And I know my son. He doesn't think you are wasting his money. It's your money together. And I'm sure he sees it as you working inside the home and him outside of the home. That's not taking advantage. That's working together as a team. As a couple. However, that works best for the two of you. You don't have to be equal in how much money you bring in. Just equal as partners and that's a line you two need to draw yourselves. No one can say this is how you split things. You decided, together, how you want to divvy things up. That's the only way to stay in a happy, loving, marriage." Linda wisely advised her daughter-in-law.

"I guess." Lucy sighed, "I just don't want to feel useless."

"You're not useless Lucy. You're irreplaceable. Not just in Sean's heart. But in the heart of every Reagan. We all love you. And we want you to be happy." Linda smiled. She rubbed Lucy's belly.

"Thanks for the pep talk." Lucy said.

"Anytime." Linda replied. The two ate the rest of their lunch talking about all things baby. Linda was glad she could help Lucy gain some perspective as well as momentarily forget about the cancer and struggles in her own corner and focus on things more important at the moment. Like how she was the first to know what Lucy and Sean were going to name the newest addition to the Reagan family.


	18. Chapter 18

Lieutenant Danny Reagan was used to being in the hospital. He had been injured so many times he'd lost count. He was sure that he must have one of the longest medical records known to man. He was always able to calm Linda down by playing off his injuries as nothing or a slight inconvenience. Even when he wasn't sure he was going to make it. He put the need to make Linda feel better above his own. He could recall the fear and terror when he learned Linda was in the hospital. How many times she'd been hurt. He quickly brushed away thoughts of doing CPR on his wife waiting for the ambulance to get there to take her to the hospital. Danny was calm and collected when his father or brother was in the hospital. Nothing seemed to phase him. He was great when there was an emergency. This was why he didn't know what was wrong with him. He couldn't stop pacing back and forth. Linda sat with her arm around Kathleen's shoulders, talking quietly to each other. Kathleen visibly upset and shaken. Linda trying to keep on a brave face. Margaret sat on the other side of Kathleen holding her hand. Frank stood talking to Garrett with his arms crossed over his chest while Jamie was taking a statement from Detective Benson. Sean had been waiting with the family when he stepped out to wait with Lucy. She heard what was going on but unable to move from her bed she was alone. Sean didn't want her to be any more scared than she was nor did he want her left out. So after talking to his father for a moment, they agreed to let Sean know what was going on as soon as they did. Danny looked at his watch one more time. If it got to be much later someone would have to go pick up all the kids from their various schools and daycares. Danny flinched when he felt someone put their hand on his arm.

"Danny." Linda said softly, "Come sit down."

Danny shook his head, "I can't sit." 

"Danny, pacing around here is going to do you no good. Come on." Linda tried to tug him to a chair.

"Why haven't they come out yet?" Danny asked her.

"Because they are busy." Linda replied.

"He's going to be okay though? Right?" Danny looked at his wife praying she'd give him the answers.

"Let's just wait and see what they say." Linda slid an arm around her husband's waist. She was just as concerned as he was at the moment. But right now he needed her to hold him up. And that was exactly what she intended to do. Linda was the first one at the hospital. She got the phone call from Danny while she was sitting with Lucy. Jack was being brought into the emergency room via ambulance. He was shot three times. Once in the vest, once in the leg and once right above his hip. Jeffory Proust didn't go down without a fight. He was also in surgery after being shot by Jack when he was cornered in the cemetery. Linda's heart stopped the moment she saw her baby boy being wheeled into the Emergency Room barely conscious. Now in a room full of Reagan's, Linda found herself tasked with keeping her husband from getting too upset until they heard from Jack's surgeon.

Danny sighed heavily. He wrapped Linda in his arms practically crushing her body to his, "I just him to be okay." 

"Me too." If she could she thought she'd melt into Danny's embrace. Linda pulled back from Danny, taking his hand in hers, "Come sit down." She pulled him to the chairs so she could curl up with him.

Danny relented letting Linda pull her feet up and lean into him. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, "He's strong. He's going to be just fine." Danny whispered.

"He's just like his father." Linda said.

Another hour passed with the Reagan family sitting together, quietly talking and praying for Jack when Margaret spotted his surgeon walking down the hall.

"Jack Reagan?" The doctor said from the doorway.

"I'm his wife, Kathleen." Kathleen stood from her chair, "Is he okay?"

"He is. He's awake and alert. And asking for you." The doctor smiled, "He will need some time off to get back on his feet but he will be just fine. We were able to extract both bullets cleanly."

"Thank you!" Kathleen breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh thank God!" Linda hugged Danny feeling tears prick her eyes.

Danny squeezed Linda, "That's my boy." He smiled.

"Can I see him?" Kathleen asked.

"Of course. You can all follow me." The doctor turned to show them the way to Jack's room.

"I'll go let Sean and Lucy know Jack's going to be okay." Frank offered.

Danny nodded his head at his father while he held Linda's hand. They walked into Jack's room after Kathleen who had already found her way into Jack's embrace, "You know, you can follow in my footsteps all you want but the injury part wasn't a part of the deal." Danny grinned.

"Just wanted to be like my Dad." Jack laughed softly.

"I'm just glad you're okay." Kathleen said honestly.

"Me too." Linda smiled at Jack.

"You gave us all quite the scare." Margaret said to him.

"Yeah man. Let your Dad do that stuff. You need to duck and cover quicker." Jamie teased.

"But I got the bad guy." Jack grinned.

"Yeah but you're in the hospital too." Kathleen frowned.

"Think of it as a few more weeks of paternity leave." Jack smiled at his wife.

"Good. Then the house will be clean when I come home from work?" Kathleen smirked.

"I know how to clean." Jack said, "My mom made sure of that."

"I did." Linda nodded her head, "And don't let him fool you. He can do laundry and dishes without messing it up." Linda sat on the edge near the foot of the bed, "It's good to see you awake like this. We were really worried about you."

"Sorry." Jack said to his mother, "I didn't mean to scare anyone. I promise. I'm okay though." 

"We know. Just try not to do it again." Danny said to him.

"I will do what I can to not get shot again." Jack said, "But I  _am_ a Reagan."

"That you are." Frank smiled from the doorway. The family visited with Jack for a little while before the kids needed to be picked up from school. Linda and Danny left to pick up Grace, Faith, Sam, Charlie, Ava, and Emma while Margaret offered to get Maddie, Gus, Elijah, and Joshua when she picked up Will and Jo. Sean stayed with Lucy for a little while wanting to spend some time with her. Frank and Jamie went back to work leaving Kathleen to spend the night in the hospital with Jack. That night while the kids and grandkids ran around the house playing Linda said a silent prayer that this wouldn't be the last time she would have a house full of kids running around. That she'd make it through her surgery next week with no complications. She wasn't ready to go yet. She had more things to do in her life. She wasn't going to go into surgery thinking the worst was going to happen. She had to think positivly. She needed to come out of surgery relitivly okay. After all, from the oldest to the youngest, they had a lot of growing up to do and Linda was dertermined to watch every second of it.


	19. Chapter 19

Jack's birthday came and went with a quiet celebration at home. Linda's birthday was coming up fast as was her surgery. The Saturday before her surgery Linda was fast asleep. Danny lay beside her watching her sleep. He'd already gotten the kids up and off on their day. Their grandfather was taking them out for the whole day. Frank had the day planned from sun up to sun down for his grandkids while Danny had the day planned for him and Linda. Danny rolled over in bed, slipped his arm around Linda's waist. He brushed a stray hair from her face. In just two short days Linda would undergo a surgery that Danny was sure would leave just as many emotional scars as physical ones. Danny pressed a gentle kiss to Linda's forehead. He sighed softly. He wished he could somehow cure Linda. That he could make her better. He kissed Linda's cheek gently. Memories of their lives flashed through his mind. He couldn't live without her. He didn't know how he was going to raise their four youngest kids without their mother. Danny pulled Linda closer to him. He pressed a kiss to her lips, smiling when he felt Linda slowly respond.

Linda's eye's fluttered open, "Hmmm. Mornin'." She kissed him slowly.

"Good morning." Danny ran his fingers through her hair.

"Time is it?" Linda yawned. She put her arms above her head to stretch.

"It's late. Kids are out with Grandpa for the day." Danny smirked feeling her shirt slide up.

Linda caught his sly grin, "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking about a lot of things." Danny smiled, "Mostly how beautiful you are. How much I love you. But I can't quite decide if I want to stay in bed with you all day. Where we can make love and I can make sure every inch of your skin is touched with my lips." Danny kissed her sweetly, "Or we could actually get out of bed and do whatever it is you want to do today."

Linda flashed Danny a small smile. As much as she would love to let Danny worship her body, she was exhausted. Mentally and physically. Her surgery was in just a couple of days and she had a lot still on her mind, "Think we can stay in bed? You can just hold me and I can close my eyes for a little while?" 

"You feeling okay?" Danny's voice flooded with concern.

"I'm just tired." Linda nodded her head.

Danny shifted in bed pulling Linda close, "Yeah. We can do that." He squeezed her tight, "We can just lay for a while."

"I'm sorry." Linda frowned. She felt guilty. She knew Danny must have planned the day for them to have without the kids. That he wanted her to have a special day or two before the surgery.

"Sorry for what, Babe?" Danny kissed her head.

"I don't know." Linda shrugged her shoulders, "Being tired?"

"There is nowhere in the world I'd rather be than here with you in my arms." Danny replied, "Don't be sorry."

Linda sighed heavily, "But I know you wanted to have a lot more fun than just sleeping."

"And we will do that later. Right now, you close your eyes and rest." Danny pulled the blanket around her that Linda refused to take off the bed because it was cozy even in the summer.

"I love you." Linda placed her head on Danny's chest.

"I love you more." Danny grinned.

"I love you the most.'" Linda sealed her words with a light kiss. 

* * *

A few hours later Linda woke up to an empty bed. She looked at the time on her phone. It was just past eleven in the morning. Linda hadn't meant to sleep so late. Half of her early birthday was gone. She frowned slightly wondering where Danny went. Linda slipped on her glasses and robe before making her way downstairs. She walked into the living room spotting Danny on the couch with his laptop. She walked around the couch to sit beside him.

Danny quickly shut his laptop when he noticed his wife enter the room. He didn't want her to see what he was looking at. Today was for her to relax. Not worry herself like Danny was right now. Danny put his arm around Linda's shoulders as she made herself comfortable by his side, "Feel better?" He asked genuinely concerned for her.

"I do." She nodded her head. Something felt off. She wasn't sure exactly what it was but she knew it had to do with his computer somehow. He wouldn't have snapped it closed without a reason.

Danny reached in front of him to put the laptop on the coffee table, "Good." He smiled, "I'm glad you got some sleep."

"What have you been doing this morning?" She asked trying to see if he'd tell her what was going on.

"Nothing. Just looking at some stuff. Called Dad to check on the kids. They are having a great day so far." Danny told her. He knew he'd have to tell her what he was looking at, he just didn't want to worry her. He didn't want to make her feel sad or upset her in any way. He wasn't looking at anything bad but Linda was already so worried about surgery on Monday that he didn't want to make things worse. He'd been doing as much research as he could about DCIS and Paget Disease. He'd read medical journals with words he had no idea what they meant until he looked them up in a medical dictionary. Danny had scoured blogs of survivors and their family members to get tips on how to help Linda after surgery and through the reconstruction surgery. He'd spent his morning while his wife lay asleep in their bed, preparing a list of questions to ask the doctor to make sure he was doing  _everything_ he could for Linda. He just didn't want her to worry about him or put on a brave face for him. He wanted her to be able to break down if that's what she needed. He wanted to be strong for her. If she knew he was worried, he couldn't be her solid support.

"Danny?" Linda searched his eyes for answers.

"I was looking up some information on your surgery. I want to make sure I understand everything and that when you wake up I know exactly how to take care of you and help you through the recovery. I just want everything to be perfect for you." Danny cleared his throat to hide the fact that his voice cracked as he spoke, "I love you so much, Linda. I want to make sure I'm doing the right things for you."

Linda felt her heart tug hearing the emotion in his voice. No matter how hard he tried to cover it up after, it was too late. Linda had already caught the sadness and fear behind his words. Over the years they'd had some horrible things happen to them but something about Linda having cancer was shaking Danny to the core. Linda could hear the fear in his voice that told her all she needed to know. He was afraid this time, he might actually lose her. Linda put her hand on Danny's cheek, "All I need is you. I need you to love me. Hold me. Kiss me. I need you to be the amazing, wonderful, husband you always are. To be there when I wake up. And to stay by my side." Linda wrapped her arms around his neck, "Danny, no matter what we've been through, which, granted, is a lot, you've always been there for me. And I've always been there for you. And nothing will change that." She brushed his lips with hers, "I'm going to be okay. I'm going to make it through surgery and when I wake up you'll be right beside me." Linda pressed a soft kiss to his neck, resting her head on his shoulder, letting the scent of her husband fill the air around her, "It's going to be long and hard but you can talk to me. You can lean on me. I won't break. I promise. I know you're trying hard to be strong for me. To hold me up so I don't fall. But now it's my turn to be the strong one. Let me hold you up. Let me take care of you. Danny this is hard for you too. I know that. It's okay."

"Linda." Danny squeezed her tight.

"Because I have you, I can be strong right now." Linda lifted her head to kiss her husband sweetly.

Danny shifted slightly to lay Linda flat on the couch, his body weight pressing her into the cushions, "I love you."

Linda smiled wide, "Love you too." She murmered her too busy with her husbands to form much more of a reply. Danny slowly and sweetly made love to his wife, just as he'd planned earlier that morning. He was determined to do anything and everything he could to make sure that when she went into surgery Monday morning, she felt safe and loved. That she knew he was by her side when she got out. That no matter what Linda knew he was there. Danny wasn't sure what was in store for them as Linda recovered but he was ready to do whatever it would take to help Linda thorugh one of the most terryifying times of her life.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Finally, the day of surgery came for Linda. Danny had been able to stay with Linda in the pre-op room. She fell asleep with his lips on her forehead, a hand in her hair and squeezing his hand tight. Danny was escorted out of the room to wait. He was only half-surprised to see Jack, Sean, and Frank already in the waiting room.

"How is she?" Frank asked his son, handing over a cup of coffee.

Danny sighed unsure of how to answer that question, "She was kind of scared but she's going to be fine. She's strong." Danny held the coffee between both hands. He looked over at his two eldest sons, "Aren't you supposed to be home, resting?" He looked at Jack.

"I can rest here just as much as at home." Jack smiled, "Kathleen would be here too but something came up at work."

"It's okay. You two didn't need to be here either. It's a relatively quick surgery. They said two to three hours." Danny sat down next to his family.

"I wanted to be here for Mom." Sean said.

"Yeah. We want to make sure she's okay." Jack echoed his brother's sentiment.

Danny nodded his head, "I'm sure she'll love to see both of you when she wakes up." He set the coffee down and clasped his hands together, his mind set on his wife hoping everything would be alright. The first hour passed quickly while Jack, Sean, and Frank made small talk and Danny listened. The second hour dragged on and on. Danny swore time was standing still. When the second hour passed, Danny started to worry. He knew they said it could take up to three hours but Danny wished it was sooner. He wanted to be sure Linda was okay. He wanted to see her, talk to her. He wanted to be sure she was okay. At almost two and a half hours the surgeon walked out to the waiting room.

"Lieutenant Reagan." The doctor called Danny.

"Yes!" Danny jumped up, "Is she okay? Is she alright? Is she awake?" Danny shot off questions as quickly as they came to mind.

"She's not awake yet. The surgery went well. We are confident we got all of the cancer. We performed the sentinel lymph node biopsies and placed two drains in to be sure there is no fluid build up. As long as she continues to do well, we will be able to take the drains out before she's discharged. She did very well during the surgery." The doctor said, "She's still asleep and when she does wake up she'll be pretty groggy. When she wakes up I'll come in and give you both the rundown of post-surgery care until her follow up appointment in a week."

"Thank you." Danny shook the doctor's hand, "When she wakes up, will she be able to have visitors?" Danny asked knowing the kids wanted to see their mother.

"Let's play it by ear. Right now, we'll start with just you and see how she's feeling when she wakes up." The doctor smiled, "I can show you to her room."

Danny nodded his head, "I'll let you know when she wakes up." Danny said to his father and two sons.

Sean and Jack both hugged their Dad, "Tell Mom we said hi." Sean said.

"Yeah and give her a hug from all of us." Jack smiled.

"Don't worry about the kids. We've got them." Frank patted Danny's shoulder.

Danny smiled knowing his family would take care of whatever was needed while he tended to Linda. He followed the doctor down the hall to Linda's room. The bright white lights against the plain white walls and floor almost blinding. He frowned seeing Linda lying still in bed with the blanket covering her. He carefully walked into the room not wanting to disturb her. As Danny walked closer he noticed the blanket on top of Linda. He could see it lying flat against her chest. The change much more shocking than he had anticipated. Still, he sat beside his wife, taking her hand in his. Danny swallowed the lump in his throat. He was thankful that Linda came through the surgery without any complications however he was concerned about what would happen when she woke up. Would the cancer come back?  _Could_ the cancer come back? What about her mental and emotional state when she saw the change in her body? Danny scooted as close to Linda's bedside as possible. He kissed her forehead before gently pressing their lips together, "I love you." He whispered, "You keep resting. And when you wake up I'll be right here." 

* * *

While waiting to hear about his mother Sean and Jack walked down to Lucy's hospital room she'd called home for almost a month. She was more than ready to have the baby. After a month of only seeing Emma, Ava, and Charlie. Lucy had one more week until she finally hit her twenty-fourth week. She welcomed the break in her day to see her husband and brother-in-law. The three were quickly joined by Kathleen who stopped at the hospital when she could get a break from work to check in on both Linda and Lucy.

"How do you feel?" Kathleen asked Lucy.

"Tired. Surprisingly." Lucy smiled, "I didn't think I'd still be exhausted while pregnant when I can't get out of bed without assistance." Lucy grinned.

"Your body is doing a lot of work." Kathleen stated.

"True. I have one more week and then hopefully things stay the same and this little one can cook for a little longer. The more he's in here the better the chances when I do finally deliver." Lucy said.

"As much as I want Lucy home and the kids want Mommy, I want to make sure our son comes home too." Sean sighed.

"You name him yet?" Jack asked.

"Still disagreeing on a name. We like the middle name though." Sean smiled, "Scott. We just can't find a good first name. It's a toss-up between Jacob and Caleb." 

"So why not just pick something else?" Kathleen asked.

"Because we can't find anything else we like." Lucy frowned, "Any ideas?" She handed Kathleen a baby name book she'd marked with highlighters and pens.

"Let's see." Kathleen smiled, "I'll pay you one-hundred dollars to name your kid this." She turned the book around.

Lucy laughed out loud, "I don't even think I can pronounce that."

"Why not just name him something like cool. Like Thunder Reagan." Jack teased his little brother.

"Do you see what you did?" Sean looked at Lucy, "Asking them for help with this. He's just nicknamed our kid and Thunder is it." 

Lucy laughed, "I just thought they might have some good ideas."

"Thunder is a great idea." Jack smiled wide, "I don't know why you're objecting to it."

"Because if they name their kid Thunder then we have to name our next kid something like Gumdrop because we'll deserve the payback." Kathleen shook her head.

"Just a suggestion." Jack shrugged his shoulders.

"What about something more common but not too common. Like Matthew, Adam, Timothy, or Christopher. Something like that?" Kathleen suggested.

"What else do you have there?" Lucy learned to read over Kathleen's shoulders. The four kids looked over baby names for Lucy and Sean's unborn son while waiting to hear news of their mother.

* * *

Danny found himself staring at his wife as if he could will her to wake up. His own eyes feeling heavy. He hadn't had much sleep lately. Between work, Sean and Lucy, the baby, all of his children, Jack being shot, worrying about every little thing that popped into his head he hadn't been able to sleep much. Danny yawned, closing his eyes for a long moment. He shifted in his chair. Danny leaned over his wife to press a barely-there kiss to her lips. He jumped when he felt her lips move beneath his. Danny's lips curled up at the corners into one of his biggest smiles, "Hey you." He said as Linda's eyes slowly opened.

"Hey." Linda sighed. She took a deep breath, "Are you okay?" She asked Danny. Tears were shining in her husband's eyes.

Danny rested his forehead against her, "You're awake." He whispered.

Linda reached a hand up to slide it around Danny's neck, "And you're here." She said softly.

"Nowhere I'd rather be." Danny smiled, "How do you feel? Are you in pain? Are you hurt? Do you need the doctor?"

Linda shook her head, "I'm okay. Sleepy but okay. I'm not sore or anything. Must be the pain medicine." 

Danny nodded his head, "Good. They told me to call the nurse when you wake up." He hit the button for the nurse on the remote near Linda's bed, "Jack and Sean wanted you to know they are here. They went to see Lucy for a little bit while they wait for me to update them. Dad was here while you were in surgery but something came up and he had to get back to One-PP. And I think Kathleen is with Jack, Sean, and Lucy."

"How are we doing?" The nurse walked in with a smile and a soft, light voice.

"Still tired." Linda sighed.

"It's the anesthesia. Sometimes it sticks around. How do you feel?" The nurse asked taking Linda's vitals and checking the monitors.

"I'm okay." Linda said honestly.

"Good. The doctor will be here in just a few moments, would you like something to drink? Water?" The nurse asked Linda as she put her chart down.

"Yes. Thank you." Linda watched the numbers on the monitors assessing her own health from her hospital bed.

"Okay. I'll be right back." The nurse left with a smile on her face as she shut the door behind her.

"Hand me that thing?" Linda pointed to the remote so she could adjust the bed to sit up. With a little help from her husband, Linda was comfortably reclining but able to sit up better than before. Linda pulled the blanket up a bit stopping suddenly. She hadn't looked down until this moment. Her flat swollen chest startling her.

The look of shock on her face must have worried Danny. He squeezed her hand, "It's okay. They said they got it all. They did that lymph biopsy and everything. It's gone. You're going to be okay."

Linda nodded her head, "They're gone." She murmured.

"The cancer is gone too." Danny said trying to focus on the cancer and not her breasts.

Linda pulled her hand from Danny's as she tugged the blanket up to her neck. She crossed her arms in front of her chest feeling oddly exposed. Linda sent a silent prayer when the doctor walked in to break up the tense feeling in the room. Danny frowned to see his wife retreat into herself but was willing to let her deal with whatever feelings she had in whatever way she felt best.

"It's nice to see you awake." The doctor smiled, "How do you feel?"

"Fine." Linda replied shortly.

"Any pain, nausea, anything?" The doctor read through her chart.

"Nope." Linda shook her head. She turned her head to look out the window wishing she could be left alone. She didn't feel like herself anymore. She woke up as some other woman. She wasn't the Linda Reagan that she woke up as that morning. She wanted to cry and sob for the part of her that she felt she lost. She wanted to scream and yell until she wore herself out. Everything changed. She had no idea how much of an effect this would have on her mentally. If she lost it in front of the doctor that would surely be a problem. She had to stay composed. And if she lost it in front of Danny, he might crumble alongside her or beg Dr. Bennett to make a house call. Neither of which were good options. She almost felt like she was suffocating. The doctor, the nurse, Danny. Her kids in the hospital waiting for her. She needed some space. Away from everyone. She felt as if she needed to mourn the loss of herself. She faded off into her thoughts only to be jerked back when Danny's strong voice called her.

"Linda?!" Danny grabbed her arm gently.

"Huh? What?" Linda looked back to the doctor.

"We were going over some post-op notes but I can come back if you'd like." The doctor smiled kindly, "Are you sure you feel okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just tired." Linda smiled sheepishly, "Coming back later would probably be better."

"Okay. Sure. Get some rest and I'll come back in a little while to check up on you." The doctor noted a few things down in Linda's chart before leaving the room. 

Linda shifted on the bed turning her back towards Danny, "I think I'm going to try to sleep." 

"Okay." Danny said. He put a hand on Linda's shoulder rubbing down her arm. Linda shrugged his hand off her body, "You don't seem okay."

"I'm fine." Linda replied. She closed her eyes hoping sleep would come soon.

Danny knew Linda was far from 'fine' but he also knew not to push her right now. She was too vulnerable, too insecure, too emotional to push. He hoped the sleep she'd get would help put her in the right frame of mind to talk. Until then Danny knew what he had to do. Stay by her side and be the solid support she'd need to hold her up after the inevitable crash that was destined to come.

 


	21. Chapter 21

Linda had been home for a few days without so much as a few words to Danny. She'd seen the kids through facetime phone calls with them and all the grandkids, being sure to catch up with Lucy at the hospital. Margaret and Jamie had stopped by on Linda's second day home however she hadn't been up to visitors. She'd spent most of her time sleeping or trying to sleep. She hadn't anticipated how exhausted she would be. Not just physically but emotionally. She'd barely gotten out of bed, let alone her room. Danny was running her up trays of food and taking care of her, confining himself to the bedroom while the kids were at their summer school program and daycare, then juggling all the parenting responsibility while caring for Linda at night. His concern grew as he watched his wife retreat into herself as the days wore on. Linda wasn't eating, was barely speaking to him and every time he tried to touch her she shrugged him off or turned away from him.

Thursday morning Danny was lying in bed after getting the kids up and off to their summer school program and daycare. Linda had slept through the family's morning routine so Danny decided to lay back down and join her in bed for a lazy morning. He frowned as he looked at his wife. She was turned with her back towards him. The thin blanket pulled tight around her body, up to her neck. Her hands clenched the blanket for dear life in front of her chest. He came to the realization that she'd yet to let him see her body since the surgery. With the exception of that first day home when she requested his help to change the dressing on her chest. She always hid behind a blanket or pillow, or even her arms to keep from him seeing her flat chest. She refused his help and kept to herself while carefully bathing and changing the dressing each day. Danny had tried everything he could think of but none of it worked. He tried to make her feel comfortable but it was as if everything he did worked the opposite way making her more uncomfortable. He'd tried to reassure her of his love but it was as if she didn't hear a word he said. Danny wasn't sure what he was supposed to do for her when she wouldn't speak to him to tell him what she was feeling or even if she was in any pain from the surgery. Danny hovered a hand over Linda's waist wondering if she'd pull away in her sleep if he tried to hold her. While he contemplated closing his eyes and hoping for the best, Danny noticed Linda begin to stir. Her eyes crinkled before slowly starting to open. Danny frowned as he watched her wake up. The first thing Linda did was look down at her chest and sigh heavily. She bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes, presumably to go back to sleep. If Danny hadn't been watching her, he would have missed the fresh tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Morning." Danny pressed a light kiss on Linda's cheek. Linda nodded her head in reply, "Is something wrong? Are you hurting?" Danny asked wanting to make sure Linda's tears weren't part of a bigger problem.

"I'm fine." Linda buried under the covers more.

Danny put his hand on her waist, "Okay. Kids aren't home so we have the house to ourselves. Did you want something to eat?"

Linda shrugged his hand off her body, "Nope. I just want to go to sleep." Linda pulled away from Danny putting as much distance as she could between the two of them in their bed.

"Want me to hold you so you can get back to sleep?" Danny offered. He knew how Linda often slept better in his arms.

"I'm fine. I don't really...you don't have to. You can just get up and go to work or whatever. It's fine." Linda dismissed her husband's offer.

"Linda, I know you're not fine." Danny said to her, "Honey, did I do something or say something wrong to you?" Linda shook her head. She could feel Danny's heartbreak filling the air. She held her breath to prevent herself from getting just as upset as she felt he was. Her heart was already hurting and she was determined to stop the pain before it consumed her. Linda shook her head to answer his question, "Then talk to me. Babe, you don't even let me hug you or hold you. I just want to be here for you but I have no idea how when every time I try you push me away."

"It's not you." Linda whispered.

"Then what is it?" Danny asked.

"I"m just tired." Linda squeezed her eyes shut, "I just want to sleep." Danny watched as a tear fell from the corner of Linda's eye, "Please Danny. I just want to sleep." Linda begged her husband.

Danny watched Linda fall apart before him, "Okay, Baby. It's okay." Danny soothed, "It's alright."

"Nothing's alright. Nothing's okay." Linda sniffled. Linda crossed her arms in front of her, "I know I haven't really wanted to be touched. But I just...I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Danny asked wondering what she could possibly be sorry for.

Linda shook her head, "I don't know. I'm just really tired." She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, "I just want to sleep."

"Then you should get some rest. Maybe you'll feel better later." Danny suggested, feeling just as defeated as he had before she woke up. Him questioning her seemed to get nowhere except make her cry. That was the last thing Danny had wanted to do.

Linda rolled her eyes, "Yeah." She scoffed at his suggested as if it was that easy to feel better. A power nap and she'd be okay, she knew that wouldn't work. Didn't he understand that everything changed? That everything was different and nothing would ever be the same again?

Danny sighed softly, "What can I do to help you feel better?" He asked wanting to do something for his wife.

"Nothing." Linda replied, "Nothing can make this better." Linda tossed the covers back and slid out of bed. She immediately grabbed her robe to cover herself with. Danny watched as Linda walked to their bathroom closing the door behind her. 

Linda washed her face feeling overwhelmed. In the back of her mind, she knew Danny was just trying to help her but it didn't feel like help. It felt like he was suffocating her. Every touch, every word felt like it was burying her deeper and deeper in the hole she'd fallen into. She untied her robe staring at her chest in the mirror. Even under her pajama top, she noticed the difference. How could he still want to make love to her? How could he still want to touch her? How could even love her anymore? Linda didn't love herself. She hated how she looked. She hated cancer for ruining her body. She hated everything because it changed. In the back of her head, she knew Danny loved her but she couldn't figure out why. She wasn't the woman he married. She wasn't the same Linda Reagan anymore. She was barely a woman. Holding on by a thread of femininity. Linda slowly unbuttoned the pajama top to check the dressings on her chest. A few more days and they'd be back to the doctor to make sure the incisions had healed properly and Linda could use a prosthesis in a bra to at least look more like a woman. As she stood now Linda wasn't sure what she was. Linda heard Danny knock on the bathroom door, not realizing she'd been so lost in her thoughts she'd been in the bathroom for close to an hour without a word to Danny.

"Babe?" Danny called out.

"Just...just a minute." Linda's voice shook as she replied to him.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah."Linda lied. She turned off the running water. Linda tied her robe tight before opening the bathroom door forgetting about her shirt. Linda was greeted by the sight of her husband standing there with a cup of coffee for her.

"Thought you could use something to drink." Danny said gently.

"Thank you." Linda took the cup graciously. She brushed past Danny to go back to bed. Linda sat on the bed pulling the blanket over her lap.

Danny sat beside her, "Linda, I know you're not okay. Can you talk to me?" Danny reached out to his wife to put a hand on her back only to see her flinch at his touch.

"Don't." Linda whispered.

"Don't what?" Danny asked.

"Don't touch me. You don't need to. I mean, you don't _have_ to." Linda closed her eyes.

"Do you want me to touch you?" Danny asked her.

"I just..." Linda sighed, "I don't get it." Danny waited for Linda to breathe before finishing her thoughts, "I don't really want to talk about it."

"I'm sorry this is uncomfortable. I'm sorry you don't want to talk but I'm afraid if we don't talk about it you're going to never talk about it and it's just going to spiral until something preventable happens." Danny explained his fear, "Please Linda. Baby, I love you. Please, let me help you."

"I know you love me. That's not part of this." Linda said, "I just don't want to talk about it."

"Why don't you want to talk about it?" Danny asked her.

"Because Danny. It's just something I don't want to talk about." Linda sighed.

"Then you don't have to talk about it. But I will." Danny set his coffee mug on his night stand. He took a deep breath, "Since the second we found out you had cancer I've had this ongoing fear that this would be how I lose you. That I'd have to raise Grace, Faith, Sam and Spense all on my own because they'd lose their mother at such young ages. That I'd have to figure out how to help Sean and Jack not fall apart for their families when they lost their mother. And that thought is still there." Danny looked into her eyes, "You're here Linda, but you're not there. You don't talk to me, you don't let me touch you. I don't know how to help you. And it's killing me to see you in so much pain when I'm helpless to make that pain go away."

Linda closed her eyes as she listened to Danny, "Don't you see that I'm disfigured now." Linda whispered, "I just don't understand how you don't see how I'm not normal anymore." Linda cried, "How I'm missing the parts of me that make me a woman. I know the hysterectomy was necessecary and I know this was too but now I'm barely a woman anymore. Don't you see that?" Linda finally opened up to her husband, "I'm not myself. I'm not me. I'm not the woman you married. I'm...I don't even know what I am anymore. I can't let you touch me because then you'll feel the same emptiness I feel. And that hurts to feel that empty." Linda covered her face with her hands as she cried, "I can't be the cause to make you feel that pain. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before and I don't want you to have to experience that. You're in enough pain because of me and the cancer to begin with, that I can't imagine causing you more."

Danny's face fell as Linda sobbed. She was protecting him. In her own way. Danny scooted closer to Linda, "I'm going to hold you." He said softly. When met with no resistance Danny gently wrapped his arms around Linda pulling her close to him, "Linda, I love you. If you're in pain, I want to know. I want to hold you while you cry and run my fingers through your hair so you can fall asleep. I want to help take care of you. I want to be here for you." Danny soothed, "You are the most important person in the world to me. I'm sorry you're in so much pain."

"It's not your fault." Linda cried.

"I know. But I wish I could do something for you." Danny said to her.

"There's nothing you can do. I'm going to have to stick through this until they can do the reconstruction and then I still won't be me." Linda rested her forehead on Danny's shoulder as she tried to catch her breath.

"What do you mean? You won't be you?" He asked.

"I won't be myself. I'll look like me but it will be fake." Linda frowned.

"You're more than breasts." Danny said.

"I'm barely even a woman anymore." Linda shook her head.

Danny pulled back just enough to look into Linda's eyes, "You are the most  _gorgeous_ woman I've ever seen."

"How can you  _say_ that?" Linda felt tears well up in her eyes.

"Because it's true." Danny's eyes never left hers, "I love you, Linda. You're sexy and smart. You're funny, sweet, kind, beautiful. You're strong. You amaze me with how strong you are. You make me proud to be your husband. I can't imagine how you feel after such a drastic surgery. But I know how I feel. And I feel so lucky to have you here." Danny's voice cracked as he spoke, "I could have lost you. But some miracle happened and you're still here. So while, yes, I imagine there is a lot to cope with and get through, I stand by my statement that you are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen because when I see you I don't just see any woman. I see my wife. The mother of my children. The love of my life. I see you. And you've always been and always will be the most beautiful person in the world." Linda looked down at her chest, "Having breasts, or not having breasts changes absolutely nothing." Danny cupped Linda's chin, tilting her head up, "I'm here for you. No matter what you need. I just need you to talk to me." Danny half-begged his wife.

Linda closed her eyes as she started to cry once again. Her body shook as she shed the tears she'd been holding inside. The fears and insecurities she felt. The wall she'd put up. The distance she'd put between her and Danny. It all came crashing down as he professed his love for her and reminded her that his love wasn't going to stray. Linda cried harder as she felt his lips on her forehead. He wanted her. Even without breasts. Without looking like herself. He still wanted her. Linda opened her arms, sliding them around Danny's neck. She tilted her head up just enough to catch his lips. Danny parted his lips in shock when he felt her tongue dart out. Danny slid his hands down her neck to her shoulders, then down the side to her hip where he pulled her closer. Danny felt Linda crawl into his lap fervently kissing him. She left a hot trail of kisses to his lips, his cheek, his jaw. She felt her heart start to race as she desperately pressed her lips to his. She felt like she was drowning. She needed his kiss to breathe. She needed to feel him. Somehow, someway. She needed Danny's touch. Linda couldn't' think fast enough. Her body started to shake as she nipped at his neck.

"Breathe, Linda. Breathe." Danny's calm voice broke through to her, "Just keep breathing." Danny bear-hugged Linda pulling her chest to his. She needed to sync her breathing with his before she hyperventilated. Linda hadn't noticed her panic attack but Danny had. He'd been trying to calm her down for close to five minutes by now, "Breath with me. You can do it, Linda. In." Danny took a deep breath, "Out." He let it go slowly, "It's okay." It took several minutes before Danny felt Linda's breathing return to a normal pace, "There you go." Danny rubbed her back in small circles, "Good job. It's okay." Danny sat with Linda in his lap, her chest against his as he breathed slowly for her sake.

"I'm sorry." Linda started to cry.

"It's okay." Danny replied, "It's alright. Everything is okay."

"You can't promise that." Linda shook her head.

"Yes, I can." Danny grinned. He cupped her face before kissing her deeply. Danny swiped his tongue across her lips smirking as she parted for him. As Danny pulled back slowly he kissed the tip of her nose, "I sealed my promise with a kiss." Danny smiled. Danny watched as Linda cracked the first smile he'd seen on her face since before the surgery. He saw the sparkle in her eyes. He knew that what she needed him was his love. His unconditional, unyielding love and reassurance that no matter what he would stand beside her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, updates are coming a bit slower lately. Work has been crazy. Retail and holidays suck. The hours are good but it's long hours at work then home to deal with the boys. It's just a lot lately so I haven't really been online every day to update the story. There's still more to come for this one. :) Sean and Lucy's baby name is still up in the air if anyone wants to chime in with an idea. :) Wouldn't be the first time I used an idea I got from a reader for a kids name.


	22. Chapter 22

A week later Linda was sitting in her room on her bed watching Netflix while Danny wrangled the kids before bed when her phone rang, "Hello?" Linda picked it up, "What happened? Is she okay? Is the baby alright? Alright, calm down Sean. Your father and I will be there. It's okay. We'll be right there." Linda ended the phone call with her son, "Danny!" Linda yelled for her husband. 

Danny had checked in on the girls and Sam while they played a board game together. He was just finishing up a bedtime story with Spense when he heard Linda's voice shout for him. Hearing the urgency in her voice Danny kissed Spense's forehead, "Stay here. Daddy's coming right back." Danny made sure to pull Spense's door shut behind him before rushing to his and Linda's bedroom, "What's wrong?! You alright?!" Danny ran to her side.

"We need to go to the hospital." Linda slowly made her way out of bed.

Danny put a hand on her back, "Are you okay?" Danny looked at her with concern. He wasn't sure what her reason for needing to go to the hospital was but whatever it was, she was determined to go.

"It's fine. It's not me. It's Lucy. Sean just called. They did an emergency c-section. The baby is here. Sean called. He's a mess. We need to go." Linda explained. She squeezed Danny's hand using him for support as she stood. Linda took a few steps to her dresser, "Can you get Frank to watch the kids?" Linda asked as she pulled out one of her post-surgery camisoles, "I haven't worn one of these out in public. Not even around the house." Linda felt her heart sink. The chemical had soft breast forms sewn in it. She hadn't been comfortable wearing it so she'd been hiding out in her room where no one had to see her. When the kids stopped in to say goodnight Linda had made sure to slip the cami on but most of the time she stayed in her room. 

"You alright?" Danny noticed Linda pause.

"Yeah." Linda took a deep breath, "I'm alright. We really need to get going." Linda walked to the bathroom with her cami in her hands.

"I'll get Dad to watch the kids and we can go." Danny said to her. He slipped his wallet into his back pocket, clipped his shield to his belt, and took his gun out of the safe. It seemed strange to not have it on his body when leaving the house. Linda came out of the bathroom adjusting her shirt. Danny walked towards his wife. He kissed his wife's cheek, "It looks good." He knew how insecure she felt wearing it. Especially now that it was her first time in public, "Dad's going to watch the kids. Let's get going." Danny handed Linda her phone. He watched her hesitate as they walked to their bedroom door, "I promise you. You look okay." Danny clasped her hand in his, giving it a light squeeze. Danny closed the bedroom door behind him as he prepared himself to meet the newest addition to the Reagan family.

* * *

Sean stood behind the wheelchair his wife was sitting in. They watched as their tiny baby laid in the incubator. Tubes and wires were attached to every part of him. Monitors softly beeped keeping a close track of his viital signs.

Lucy had tears in her eyes as she looked up at Sean, "He's so small."

"He's going to be okay." Sean told her. He hugged her from behind, "He's strong. He's going to pull through."

Lucy nodded her head, "I'm so scared we'll lose him. I'm sorry Sean. I'm so sorry." Lucy dissolved into a fit of tears.

"This wasn't your fault. It's not your fault." Sean kissed his wife's cheek, "We won't lose him. Everything is going to be okay." Sean and Lucy were quietly interrupted by one of the nurses.

"Officer Reagan, Mrs. Reagan. You have visitors." She said softly. She pointed outside the large window to the NICU where Danny and Linda stood.

"Can they come in?" Sean asked not wanting to leave his son for a moment.

"Of course." The nurse smiled.

After being sure to properly wash their hands Linda and Danny were allowed to step into the NICU. The babies varied from stages of health. Some of the infants on life support, and others ready to be discharged. Their grandchild fell somewhere in the middle of the two. Linda wrapped Lucy in a big hug the moment she was in the room.

"How do you feel?" She asked her daughter-in-law.

"Tired." Lucy repleid, "Scared. More like terrified." Lucy sniffled, "He's just so tiny and we don't know so much."

"But he's here. And he's breathing and so far everything is going to be okay." Linda reminded her.

"He's just so small." Lucy closed her eyes tight, "I didn't even think a baby could be this small."

"He's a fighter." Danny said, "Just look at his Dad." He hugged Sean.

"Yeah well, we're kind of hoping he lives up to his name." Sean smiled.

"Oh, so you finally settled on that?" Linda asked the two of them.

"She was right. He looks like a Caleb." Sean kissed the top of his wife's head.

"So, Caleb Scott?" Linda wondered. She knew how they had been having a hard time coming to an agreement about their son's name. However, they'd been pretty set on the middle name being, Scott.

"Actually, we decided Caleb Scott Reagan just didn't fit him." Lucy looked up to her father-in-law, "We needed a stronger middle name."

"Something he could be proud of." Sean said.

"A name that meant a lot to us." Lucy continued, "We wanted to use a name of someone who doesn't give up."

"We named him Caleb Daniel Reagan." Sean said, "You know we kept tossing names around and none of them really fit him. And then he was here and Lucy and I had the same thought. We needed a better name. Something stronger. We're hoping the stubbornness is in the name because if he's half as stubborn as you then we know he's going to pull through." Sean said to his father.

Danny hugged Sean tight, "Oh Son." Danny swallowed the lump in his throat hearing the reason his son named his child after him, "I love you."

"Love you too, Dad." Sean grinned.

"That's so sweet of you." Linda sighed softly.

"We both thought that it was a fitting name." Lucy said.

"Hi, Caleb." Linda looked at her grandson lying in the incubator, "Hi sweetie. You keep fighting in there for a little while longer, then you can come home to your family. You have so many people that love you and can't wait to see you." Linda talked to the sleeping baby.

Danny and Linda spent most of their evening with Sean and Lucy until they were forced out of the NICU by the nurses after visiting hours. Vowing to come back the following day the two left to pick up their grandchildren and relieve the babysitter Sean called last minute when he was called about Lucy going into labor. It was going to be a long night ahead of them.

Between Caleb in the hospital for a minimum of two months and Linda still dealing with the aftershock of cancer and having another surgery lined up, the Reagan family would be busy spending their summer helping take care of one another. Though times would be hard and the road ahead may become treacherous. As long as they stuck together, communicated and leaned on one another; with one small step at a time, the Reagan family would make it through one of the hardest summers of their lives.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this one! I had another chapter planned but I'm going to use it to start the next story which hopefully will be up tomorrow or by the end of the weekend! We still have Linda's reconstruction, their anniversary, update on Caleb, and don't forget Margaret's pregnant! So next story will start where this one left off and we'll get some answers and check-ins on all of that. Hope you enjoyed this story!!! :)


End file.
